Life

Saturday, 17^th September

Ben has helped Stefan edit the footage from Pride all week, and I have been sorting through the boxes of receipts and invoices. Most of the paperwork I was able to throw out, I am expecting a professional shredding company to pick it up.

Yesterday we had M/s night. Stefan showed the footage, it was very good. I was very proud of Ben, being involved in that. There was some footage of him talking to someone about the club at the fair, he was very confident and professional. We stood in “our” embrace in the club, watching the film. As I am slightly taller than him, I stand behind him, with my arms through his arms, my arms folded over his chest, sometimes I lean onto him. Most of the time his arms will be by his side, yesterday I held them slightly behind his back. He discovered he had enough movement to fondle me. I found some rope and tied his arms together and his hands flat together, behind his back. For the way home I tied his hands in front of him, and did not undo them until this morning. He is now sitting in his cage, gagged. He has to fold 60 origami cranes, to keep his hands busy.

We have a skype session planned later, to speak to Erik and Barbara, I guess I will let him out for it.

Tuesday, 20^th September

Where does time go, and how come I am so busy all the time? All the paperwork for the flat to be used as a residential unit again is sorted. We have sold some items Mats and Sahid did not want. I have chosen all the bathroom appliances, we have decided on the colours and I am having the same carpet as Ben has laid in my room. All this will happen while we are away.

We saw his doctor yesterday, he is concerned that the boy is under weight, and we are going to see Dr Fahji for some more tests. In the meantime we are increasing his protein shakes and keep a food diary. We decided he should stop swimming, it is getting too cold. He has been swimming almost every day. I do not think it has anything to do with his weight loss, he was getting thinner before then. It is not too bad, but definitely something we need to look into. He is fine otherwise, he has had no problems for a long time.

We had a very long talk with Canada on Saturday, they have found a buyer for the house. They are planning to move mid-december, they have found a house they want to buy. It is strange to think of them getting married, Barbara is 16 years older than Erik. The memorial service will be in a hotel in Toronto. They used to go to a Master/slave meeting in Toronto almost every month. We will stay in the same hotel. Ben asked if the ashes will be there. He asked me if we could bring his old collar to be united with Robert's ashes. I have my reservations. I am thinking of having a length removed and put it with the ashes, but not the whole collar. I think Ben would regret it.

Later:

Ben came home from language class. I had expected him to stay in town, go to yoga, the centre and meet him at meditation. I was concerned that someone had found out about his lifestyle at class and made some comments. There are mainly people from a muslim background in his class. He would never bring it up himself, but he made it clear he is married to a man. The boy explained he just felt a bit low and wanted my company. He misses Sabine more than he thought he would.

I made him go to back into town, I came with him and went to the gym. I had planned to go later and then go to class. We managed to have lunch together at home. I told him he was behaving childish, on one hand it was nice that he wanted to be with me, but then he has been, well, wants reassurance.

I stayed on at the gym and had a sauna, he went ahead to the centre and did his usual kitchen duty. I came home, and am going out again soon to go to class. I am taking the car, we have not used it much lately.