Taking a break

Dear readers,


I am on holiday for almost 2 weeks, and will take a break from posting this story.


In the meantime, check out Ben's blog:


http://slaveben.blogspot.co.uk/


and catch up with his story so far.


Thanks very much.


As always, comments will be very welcome!

Important events? Just life!

Thursday, 22^nd December

Ben came along to the university again, he was interested as a potential student. He might want to take up his science studies again next year, just out of interest. First he needs to pass his Swedish examen. Otherwise he will not be eligible.

We saw Dr Fahji there, he is thinking about cutting his clinical hours and lecture. It would be such a shame, but then he is a good, experienced doctor who can inspire students to study a speciality which desperately needs new doctors. Who wants to go through peoples shit?

I gave my speech twice, to different groups. Then we were to be available to speak to people in small groups or individually. Quite some people asked why they should choose this university, which sadly I was not able to answer. I like it here, I like the building. We were able to join a tour and look at the laboratories, the library etc.

Afterwards I took the boy to the Lebanese cafe. The owner welcomed me back, and gave us some free falafels. Ben compared what he learned today about life as a student here to his days at college. He said it feels much freer here. I am not so sure, there are hard expectations. I think medicine is difficult everywhere, it has to be!

I enjoyed the whole day, I do not have much contact with young people that age, unless they are in the train. It was good to see them so interested and ask good, informed questions. But then it is a certain “class” of teenagers who are interested in medicine.

I am meeting Ben after class, Ingrid will come too. Good that he is going to yoga, he can calm down and recharge.

Ben felt he did well, all his studying has helped. Good. We are going to drive to Dalarna tomorrow.

My aunt said we can have the cottage if we prefer, we will have our privacy there. I know it will cost her to heat the cottage, so we will stay in the house.

A busy day

Tuesday, 20^th December

I do not know how journalists can do their job. Sunday and Monday the pile up was the only news, in depth reports of the people who had died, with looking them up on facebook etc, today something different has happened and they are forgotten. I hate facebook, I do not know why people feel they need to publicise their live like that. And here I am writing my blog. This is different, what I write has more context. And it does not attract comments from total strangers, who pay “tribute”.

I had a good session in the gym and then sauna. A guy commented on my piercing, did it not hurt like hell? I said it was one of the best things, the sex for my partner is more intense. He said his wife has been onto him, her friends husband got one. I told him to definitely do it. We have had anal and vaginal sex, the boy was pleased with the effect both ways.

We have just come back from meditation. Such a different experience than the last few days. I look forward to it these days, it is very good to switch off for 2 hours. There was a leaflet with events for next year, there will be a course on the Karma Sutra. That would be interesting, the boy is very flexible, I am sure we could do most positions.

I am giving the talk at the University tomorrow, I have written it all out, I dictated it to Ben yesterday, as an exercise for his spelling. Some of the medical terms I was not sure how to spell either. I will use notes only, not read the speech out. Anyway, it was a good exercise for both of us.

This afternoon I helped at the club, deciding what can go, what to take with us. We are going to splash out on all new glass ware. We have quite a bit of alcohol, I decided the best option was to store it in my flat. It is now in the cell, locked in. We might have to store more stuff there, like paperwork. Martin is working his way through it, I have given him a key so he can take it there.

The day after

Monday, 19^th December

Just after I told Ben that we are looking after Django, I had a call from the chief of medicine, can I come to work? I thought there were insurance hoops to go through, he said in a case like this, they have cover, as an ex member of staff, and as I had worked there during the summer, it was covered.

Of course I agreed, I had seen the accident on TV after Torben had called.

It was organised chaos and it was good to be part of it. We doctors have a very black humour.

I stayed at the hospital all night, I managed to get some sleep, and then attended 2 operations today.

Ben, as ever, has been brilliant, brought me a change of clothes and some cake for everyone. Cake is usually to celebrate, but it is good nourishment during stress, easy to eat, it gives you an instant sugar boost and makes you feel good. It was very appreciated.

Django stayed with us until this afternoon, Stine worked until the early hours, and Torben all night as well. At least they did not have to worry about their dog, and Ben was happy.

Ben had run me a bath, he had felt again I was on my way home. While I washed the hospital off, he made something to eat. I am very tired, but am trying to stay awake a bit longer, as not to ruin my pattern.

Ben is studying, again, his exam is on Thursday. He will ask me to correct it, if I am up to it.

An eventful weekend

Sunday, 18^th December

Ben is asleep, he went back to bed for a couple of hours after lunch, it has been rather exciting. Today is a dull day, it is raining very hard, and very cold. I can imagine the emergency department will be very busy today.

We had a lovely dinner at the hotel and then enjoyed our room. If any readers ever come to Stockholm, even if you are on a budget, stay one night at this hotel, it is worth it! They had given us some flowers and a small bottle of bubbly. The manager who showed us to our room said they had some discussions if 2 men would appreciate flowers, but we assured them we loved the gesture. They had remembered we are not keen on alcohol, but again, it seemed rude not to. We had a little toast before we went to dinner and saved the rest for the morning. The car I had booked was similar to the one Per and Lasse had organised for us, it was fun to ride in it the other way.

The next morning we had our ceremony first, everyone came for 10.30am. Ben and I had written our own vows, we both reflected on our last year and how special it was, and promised to love, care for each other etc. Just more personal. I am so glad we did it, it bonded us together. This time was even better for me, and I think for Ben as well, we know each other better.

Everyone enjoyed the brunch, and I was given some presents. I had almost forgotten it was my birthday! Ben gave me some dog sledging lessons. Not so sure he thought that through.

In the evening we had the party, it started quite early, we wanted to close at midnight. We had advertised it heavily, gone through old members lists and invited them. Of course we can only hold a certain amount of people, so booking was requested. It meant quite a bit of work for the staff, but they are getting paid for the whole period we are not open, so they were happy to put in some extra hours. There were a lot of old faces, even if they only popped in for one drink. A lot of them knew me and wanted to say hello. Of course I had to do a speech. Ben had ploughed through the old paperwork and found some details which I had incorporated in my speech. He had found a photo of the team who opened the club, Stefan had blown it up.

Of course we did not finish at midnight, we came home just after 4am!

I just had a call from Torben, he has been called in to work, there has been a terrible pile up on the motorway, can we look after Django? I can hear Ben getting up, of course we can.

Pre vow renewal jitters?

Friday, 16^th December

So, the week was interesting. The patients were very much like at the other health centre, mostly older people, but also young mothers and professionals. I often went for a walk during my break, it was not enough time to come home. The boy again provided me with nice food parcels. I topped it up by going to a very good local Lebanese cafe. I have to bring Ben here. The doctors here work very long hours, most stayed during the break time and caught up with paper work or professional publications. I had a very good talk with the doctor in charge, he tried to convince me to train for general medicine. I declined.

We are looking forward to our stay at the hotel, as we did not stay on our wedding night, this is kind of it. I have booked a limousine to take us.

Just a normal week

Sunday, 11^th December

World Aids Day

There was a big event in Stockholm to raise awareness, Ben and I went along. It is depressing, more young people get infected. Yes, medication has come a long way, and keeps people alive for longer, but at what cost. Emotionally and financially. If everyone took more precautions, and it is soo easy, there would be much less sorrow. There were several talks, and stalls from charities to raise their profile. Depending on where my life goes, it might be something to get involved in. They always need medical staff.

We had a nice time with Per and Lasse, Ben and I are quite good at understanding his sign language, he can be very funny. Of course we went up to see the flat. It was cold in there as the heating is not full on, but it felt cold in atmosphere. Seeing the food in there made it even more as if some aliens abducted the people who lived there and everything was left as it was. I really need to decide what to do, leaving it empty makes me feel guilty, so many people are looking for somewhere to live. We could easily convert the cell to a normal bedroom.

Monday, 12^th December

I have deliberately made some appointments to fill my week, then the agency called, they have 3 days work for me. To be honest, I am quite glad of the money. Going back to the savings all the time does not feel right. I want to earn my money. So I am working tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday.

It is an a health centre again, I will do 9-13, and 16- 20. Interesting. This time it is in a suburb to the south, not too far from the university, and reached quite easy by train.

Busy at work and an interesting evening at the club

Sunday, 4^th December

Working at the clinic was a good experience. It is a poor neighbourhood with a high percentage of immigrants, sometimes making communication difficult. I had freshened up on some common problems I might encounter, the agency had given me recommendations.

I am going to work here all week now, they asked me earlier today. It is 9-4, quite a long day, considering I have to travel about an hour. It is a long day for me.

Thursday, 8^th December

Tomorrow is my last day at the clinic, the doctor I stood in for is back. I enjoyed the challenge, but will be glad when it is over. Mainly it was the commute. Sometimes I felt like having a go at the patients for wasting my time. Then I realise they are probably lonely and a visit to the doctor at least means some contact, someone who listens. I am glad I had the slave. I could sound off to him, and he cooked me some lovely meals. My colleagues noticed my packed lunches, and commented on it. For some reason I did not correct them it was not my wife who did them. Society is programmed to assume one is hetero, it does not matter at all if they believe I am. What is the point of me telling them my husband is the cook and baker? Although people do not react by sniggering or asking stupid questions anymore, I feel there is a reaction. I do not react, “Aah” when people “admit” they are hetero. Ben kept busy doing his own agenda, he is studying for his exam. I enjoyed putting him into bondage each evening, it was a form of release for me, nothing too strenuous, just a reminder to him who is boss. At the moment he is doing some homework with his left hand in a neck to wrist restraint. Actually, I think I better release him, he cannot do his writing like this, the paper keeps slipping.

Saturday, 10^th December

The boy reminded me earlier today that it is the anniversary of his chip being taken out. That reminded me we should test his current one, which we did, everything functioning.

We went to M/s night, I had agreed with the boy to do the last one at this location with a bang. In the end we did not stay very long as he was uncomfortable, I could see it in his eyes. He was muzzled, I am rather fond of it lately, in a harness, no shirt, with restraints around his upper arms, bound at the back with a leather strap, and his wrists restrained to his thighs, so he could only walk by moving his whole body. I kept him by my side the whole time, he had to drink through a straw. We caused a bit of a stir, as we are not usually in such a get up. There was an impromptu Master/slave competition, we came 2^nd, after Sahid and Mats. I am getting a bit concerned that Mats is being taken advantage off. At the moment he seems quite happy, maybe it is still the excitement of moving to the flat together, but Sahid's behaviour is a bit egotistical. Coming first in this competition did not help.

We had gone in the car, as most buildings in the row are already vacant, it is a bit eerie there. I am glad we took the decision to close next week. The feedback from our last all female office party was they felt a bit uneasy when they left. Martin could not find anything suitable for a reasonable price to hold our 2 parties we had to re-arrange, and the parties decided they did not want an emergency venue. One of them we have re-reimbursed, their numbers had dropped anyway that they thought of cancelling, the other group has opted to come to the new club in spring.

When Ben and I came back we had intercourse for the first time since my piercing. We had to use a condom, which lessened the impact, but it was fantastic, for both of us. Why did I hold off for so long? To avoid the disappointment of him slipping out during the night, I sent him off after sex. He had a surprised look on his face, but of course obeyed. I did miss him, it is nice going to sleep together, it is not too bad if he leaves later.

Today we met with Ingrid and and enjoyed the atmosphere in town. She fell in love with a very expensive glass ornament, which we of course bought for her. She was very pleased with it. She has never told me when her birthday is, I am not even sure how old she is.

Tonight we are invited to Per and Lasse, Lasse needs cheering up. He uses one of these day light lamps, it seems to help.

December already!

Friday, 2^nd Decmber

I had a meeting with Martin yesterday, we have been told the building needs to be vacant on the 1^st of January. That is unusual, we thought we will have some time in the new year, not that we have much to take out, most of it is “rubbish”. We had hoped to end with a big party new years eve.

We decided to finish on the 17^th, with a party. Combining my birthday with a farewell. It would have been M/s night, although it is a Saturday, now it will be open to all, and we have brought M/s night a week forward. Some clients will not be happy, as quite a few travel from smaller towns and the country. This means we also would have to cancel 2 office parties, Martin is looking to hire a different venue. Of course it will not be the same, as it is not our normal bar, and we will have to persuade some of or regulars to attend, to recreate the atmosphere.

Ben and I have organised our vow renewal, he has promised me there will be no repeat of the collar ceremony. We will stay at the hotel the night before, and have invited our Stockholm friends who attended last year for brunch. We have booked the room again and Ben and I will renew our vows in front of our friends.

We have had some sad news from Canada today. Earlier this week Barbara miscarried. I think in the back of her mind she was cautious anyway, but it is very sad. They had such hopes. Ben is very upset, I explained to him that with Eriks family history the foetus was most likely not viable, more people miscarry than they even realise.

I am working all day tomorrow and Sunday at a clinic in …... It will be interesting. Ben is quite happy with it, but he says he will miss me all day. He has organised to see friends. We have received instructions what to buy as presents for the children, so that is something he can do. All the christmas markets are up now, he enjoys those.

My talk at the university

Tuesday, 29^th November

I am going out of my mind with boredom, so today I went to an agency and have signed up to do some locum work. I have already some dates lined up, it will be doing general medicine in a health clinic, pretty basic stuff.

The boy came home from class in a slight panic, they have been told there will be an assessment in the last week before christmas break. Of course he wants to do well, below a certain percentage is not good enough for his ego. I told him he has enough time to study! This class is at a good level for him. Ingrid and I are still getting him to read the paper and do reports about it. Writing is still his weak point.

I have practised my talk for tomorrow with Per, as a medical person he was the best to give me feedback. He said the tenants have asked about the flat, if we are coming back. Apparently we are missed. To be honest, I have not really thought about it much, and the boy has not brought it up either. Considering he preferred the flat last year, I think since we have done his room at the house he feels more at home there.

I have spoken to my aunt and we are going to Dalarna for Christmas. I guess that means I have to buy presents this year.

The boy has asked me what I want to do for my birthday. Gosh, it is only a few weeks away, and that means our first wedding anniversary.

We have talked about renewing our vows, after Barbara and Erik's ceremony. We feel, although we wanted to get married, last year was such a formality. We have an appointment on Friday at Stallemastergarden to talk about organising a small party.

Wednesday, 30^th November

The talk was scheduled for the last session before lunch. They had a whole day of talks like this, and I was competing with orthopaedics and paediatrics. Tough. Of course the boy came with me. I had asked him to sit at the back, so he could tell me afterwards if I could be heard, and he could see the audience from there and gage their reaction. The co-ordinator met us and gave us a brief tour, we were invited for lunch afterwards. This is a very modern campus, built about 15 years ago, as the old university got too small.

I did not have to worry about not being heard, there was a microphone, of course! Fancy technology for power point etc. No-one uses blackboards, or white boards any more, everything is interactive. It was an old fashioned lecture room, with the seats going up. During my student days we sometimes had to give presentations in a room like this, but it was daunting nonetheless, all these expectant faces looking down at me. Then there was one, with a broad smile, thumbs up.

I was glad when it was over, I asked for questions at the end, and one asked if I would be the lecturer. I denied it, and I heard a few mumbles of disappointment. The boy later told me he heard some girls talking, how dishy I was and they would certainly enjoy coming to my lectures.

He said I came across very well, my talk was well structured and I spoke with much enthusiasm, as usual.

The lunch was interesting, a few students actually came up to me and thanked me for the talk.

The co-ordinator asked me if I could come back to hold another talk to a-level students who were coming for a more general day to check out medicine as a career choice. I happily agreed.

Just a short one

Sunday, 27^th November

I woke up with an erection, but fought it.

The boy came home yesterday and asked for a session before our dinner guests arrive, we have done something plenty of time within a time limit and are quite good at relaxing enough to be fully into it.

We are always on a timetable anyway. Of course intercourse is off the menu for a few more days, and then I will have to use condoms. As a good slave he should not be asking for it (sex/bondage), but wait for me and be ready any time. I let it slip as he has been ill and now I am incapacitated. I tied him to the chair with leather belts, muzzled him and satisfied him by using fingers and some toys. He wanted longer, I left him in the chair, tightened the belts again and prepared dinner myself. We just had time to release him, he needed a shower and finally joined us after the guests had arrived. They guessed what we had been up to.

I showed Torben my piercing, I wanted his professional opinion. He said it looked fine to him.

They were encouraging about my upcoming talk at the university, and we talked what I wanted to do with my career. It is a topic very much on my mind at the moment.

Today it was nice enough to take a drive out to the country, we had a picknick with us. The slave mentioned how nice it would have been to have a dog with us. From time to time he throws in a hint.

I suggested we go to Dalarna for Christmas this year, which he was very enthusiastic about.

Tonight the slave is in his sleepsack, no toys. From time to time I stroke him and get his hopes up.

I got a piercing!

Friday, 25^th November

I had my piercing done today. It was planned for last week, but I had to rearrange it due the boy being ill. We had an appointment for early afternoon, I could hardly eat anything I was so nervous. The slave laughed at me. He said I did very well when I had the tattoo done, that looked more painful then the piercing will be. He has a point, this will be one hole only, the tattoo was thousands.

So we are back, and I am sitting here with an icepack. Hopefully I do not end up having to have it removed, it looks nice, even if it feels VERY uncomfortable right now. How am I going to take a piss? The anticipation was the worst, like it always is. It felt a bit funny, having a stranger, who is not a doctor, handling my penis. It was over very quickly, and not as painful as I had expected. On the way home it started to hurt though, the boy says that is normal.

The piercer wanted to see how the slaves piercings have settled down, of course he was happy to show him, after I had consented. The slave was wearing his new belt, which was duly admired.

Saturday, 26^th November

My penis feels much better today, but it is still very sore, especially when walking. I sent the slave to the market on his own, he is also going to the Centre, Sabine is giving a talk about her trip.

I have invited S/T/D for dinner tonight.

Getting back to "normal"

Thursday, 24^th November

Ben wanted to got to class today, he has missed quite a few classes. He had asked for some homework while we were away, but of course he had planned to be back a week earlier. I drove him to the school, I told him to call me if it was too much, I can fetch him. I went to the gym.

I had a call while I was in the gym from the co-ordinator from the university about my talk. I had emailed her to explain who I was and was it ok if I did the talk instead of my colleague. She was very helpful and invited me for a visit before the talk, so I could see the room etc, if I wanted to.

I picked the boy up from school and we went to the Centre for lunch and meet Sabine. Sadly we had not that much time with her, as she wanted to go to yoga. I know the boy wanted to go, he might feel now as if he has not been ill at all, but he still has 2 rounds of antibiotics! Tonsillitis can make you very ill at the beginning, and then one feels on top of the world again. I have had it, and have witnessed it often whilst at boarding school.

When we got home he did feel quite tired and rested. I started planning my talk. I do not like having the office upstairs, so I took everything downstairs and worked on the dining table, where I was joined by the slave, doing his homework, whilst he had his IV.






I seem to have a few regular readers. It would be nice to get some feedback.
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The author

Planning the future

Tuesday, 22^nd November

I had a troublesome night, Ben was talking in his sleep, I kept thinking he was calling for me, so in the end I made up a bed in his room.

This morning he is free of fever, the swelling has gone down, he still feels a bit sore when swallowing.

We went for a walk, we met Stine and Django. I had to stop Ben from touching Django, I was afraid his compromised immune system could pick something up.

He ate a good lunch and rested while the IV went through. He has been fever free all day.

I was on the internet today for some time, catching up on professional news and articles. Of course I was looking at vacancies. There was nothing that interested me or was in the right location. Being at home the last few days with Ben has made me realise how much I miss work. Again, I do not have much to do, and I notice my mood is not the best.

Wednesday, 23^rd November

Ben is feeling much better today, and he made me go to the gym. I had a long session with sauna after wards. I met an ex-colleague, who was so glad to meet me, he needed to speak to me. He had promised to give a talk at Stockholm South University to students about our field, and got his dates mixed up. He wanted to know if I can give the talk. I jumped at it. He has emailed me the details, it is next Wednesday.

On the way home I stopped at the flat. Knowing what happened here, it felt even more “clinical”. We are so settled at the house, I am not very interested in living here this winter.

I stopped by to see P/L, I told them what we had found out about the Germans. They wanted to see the footage, I have emailed it to them. Per told me off for not telling him Ben was ill, they would have helped with his care!

I had lost track of time, suddenly it was getting dark and Ben phoned me to check if he could do the IV himself, or did he have to wait for me? I told him to wait for me, I was on my way. One really needs two hands to do it. There is always a small risk air can get into the tube whilst fixing it, and that can be fatal. The IV takes about 45 minutes to go through.

He had been baking. I went to check my email, my colleague had promised to send the information when he got into work earlier.

I told the boy about it, he was very encouraging

He said he always found it infectious when I talked about work, I was so enthusiastic.

What a come down!

Saturday, 19^th November

Ben had quite a high fever yesterday and was very uncomfortable. We both had a stress full night.

Ingrid came over and stayed with him, so I could take a break. His throat is very swollen and painful. He has no energy. The antibiotics need to be given within the same time period, so he did not get his 2^nd boost until the afternoon.

I checked my account online and was astonished how we little we spent. I have made the donation to Anyers Catholic Church, as promised.

It is nice to be back in Sweden. We missed M/s night yesterday. Martin phoned me to see where we were, we have a date with the architect to finalise the plans on Monday. I expressed my concerns, I do not want to leave Ben for so long, and he would not be up to coming along. I suggested we meet here.

Monday, 21st November

Ben feels much better today, his swelling has gone down, but he still has a slight fever and pain.

He rested a lot on Sunday, I got him to walk around the garden a few times.

We had the meeting with the architect and his assistant. They have come up with a simple design, just as we have requested. Ben attended the meeting, but kept very quiet.

The costings are within what we have expected, the architects usual builders can start the work in the New Year. Of course we could appoint our own people, but I cannot be bothered to go trough he process of tendering. I have had enough of dealing with builders. I realised this year, I am not that good with it.

Dealing with sick people is my job, but when it is at home, it is much more difficult. Ben switched to the liquid antibiotics today, but was promptly sick. After we had the meeting we had some lunch, he managed to eat well, and then went to rest in his room. He needs to take the medicine with food, so he had a shake. It took only a few minutes before he felt nauseous and just made it to the toilet to throw up. I phoned Dr Svensson who brought us some more IV fluids, which we will use for the last few days. His fever got up again during the evening. He does not make a good a patient, he keeps saying sorry to cause me so much trouble. Dr Svensson took some blood to get tested for infections and a general health check, just as a precaution. He managed to keep his shake down tonight.

Back home

Wednesday, 16^th November

Airports can be such a bore. Ben left the belt off, he could not be bothered with the hassle. We had organised a late check out, so we just hung around the hotel room. We flew to Frankfurt again, arriving there this morning, then to Stockholm. This time I managed to sleep.

I am trying to stay up and get back into the time zone, Ben has crashed. The excitement of the last 2 weeks has worn off. We inspected the building work, everything is very nice. Per and Lasse have stocked up the fridge for us, and everything is very clean. It looks nice, freshly painted.

I have phoned several people to report we are back and check if everything is alright here. No problems anywhere.

We had dinner, Ben was not very hungry. We went for a short walk, some fresh air was nice, after the canned air on the plane. The boy is subdued, I hope it's just the jet lag.

Friday, 18^th November

It is up and down and we are back to our routine. After a hectic day yesterday for Ben, doing washing, ironing, shopping and yoga, this morning he woke up with a sore throat. By early afternoon he was not well, he was feverish. I diagnosed tonsillitis. We went to his doctor, I was glad to have the car.

We decided to hit him with some antibiotics intravenously for 3 days, and then he can switch to a liquid. Dr Svensson wanted to do the first session at the surgery, so we were there for 2 hours. Ben mostly slept, and rested when we got home. Luckily he has his shakes anyway, so at least I got some nutrition into him. He has put on some weight while we were away, maybe it was the American food.

I phoned Ruth to get an update what vaccinations he had and any childhood illnesses. It is good to now these things. She was concerned that he was ill, I assured her after a week of antibiotics he will be fine. It is very common when someone is run down and had a lot of stress to develop an infection like this.

Saying goodbye

Sunday, 13^th November

There must be something in the water here that makes me act differently.

Ben was up before me, as usual. He woke me up with a coffee and a blow job. Knowing that he had spent the night with Barbara, it took me a while to enjoy it. She had kept him in bondage all night, no sex. They mainly talked and then went to sleep. Knowing he likes to get up early, she had done the ropes so that he could get out.

After breakfast Barbara and I drove to North Rock, the nearest town, where the hospital is where she works. I was interested to see it. We left Erik and Ben in their respective cell, restrained and gagged.

She said to me, Erik and her had not played much since Ben left, us visiting and seeing our Master/slave behaviour had inspired her.

We released the boys upon our return and had a light lunch. It was Barbara who pulled us into the main bedroom. Of course Erik and Ben were used to it, they knew what Barbara wanted, but they managed to include me, and I let myself be guided by them. It felt natural to be on the side line and watch the slaves look after Barbara. This was my first time with a woman. I did not have sex with her, the first time I shared the experience with a female. Erik had intercourse with her, and I fucked my slave. For a while afterwards we lay there, cuddling and stroking, Barbara took my hand and stoked her breasts with it, finally guiding me to her clitoris. She used my hand to bring herself to orgasm again. It felt very natural, but I do not think that I will ever experience anything like it again. Something like that happens within a moment.

Ben and I left and went to our room. We all had a nap, and found each other in the kitchen, where Erik and Ben rustled up some dinner. We watched a movie on TV and had an early night. Ben is signalling for me to come to bed. The boy really cannot get enough!

Monday, 14^th November

We left after breakfast to get our flight to Montreal. Ben needed a long time to say goodbye to the house and to Lana. We nearly had to force him into the car. We stopped at the Diner to say goodbye to Marjorie. It was busy, which was probably good, so we made a quick getaway.

Goodbye's can be very awkward. Luckily we were just in time to board the flight, so there was no time for a prolonged scene. We just hugged each other and we assured them we will visit soon.

In Montreal we went straight to Steelwerks. They had the new device and the belt ready. It is amazing, the metal belt got us both quite excited. We are not planning to use it for everyday, but for days when we have “our” time. They took some pictures for their records. Ben wanted to keep it on, it was a good idea to test how it feels for a longer time. We checked into the hotel and went out to get something to eat, then went to a museum. The belt was comfortable for him, we sent a message to the manufacturers how happy we are.

We had a drink and a snack in the hotel bar, the boy got his shake. We went back to our suite (we had been upgraded) and made the most of the extra space with our limited gear. Good that we had the gag. We left the belt and the device on, the boy was screaming into his gag as he came and nearly passed out on me.

The flight is not until the late afternoon, so we have some time to kill tomorrow. We are very tired now.

Our last 3 days in South River

Thursday, 10^th November

Ben and I had some private time last night. It felt funny, doing it in this house. A few hours later I noticed him leaving the room. After a few minutes I went to find him, he was in the basement! I realised he was asleep, I guided him back upstairs to our room. We went back to sleep, I had my arm around him. Then he tried to slip out again! This time I got our restraints and tied him to the bed. He woke me in the morning, when he was undoing the restraints. He is a morning person, I like to sleep a little longer. He brought me a coffee, and joined me in bed. He could not remember that he had gone to the basement.

At breakfast Ruth asked what the disturbance was during the night. Ben told her he had to be fetched from the basement. He volunteered that he got tied to the bed to stop him from leaving a 3^rd time.

Ruth was surprised that he had sleepwalked, apparently he slept very soundly as a child.

She tries to understand our lifestyle, but she has difficulties with it, I can see it in her face and her body language. Ben does not understand her subtle signals, due to his Aspergers.

Ruth had a flight later that morning, her and Ben went to see Clara, his uncle Jacob's partner, on the way to the airport.

Ben and I met at the Diner for lunch, Marjorie was not there. We had a nice quiet lunch, Ben was satisfied with the time he had had with his mother. He enquired what we had talked about the day before, I gave him a very brief summary.

In the afternoon it started to snow.

Friday, 11^th November

Today Barbara and Erik got married. It was just a short ceremony at the local townhouse.

We went to the Diner for lunch to celebrate. Marjorie was on top form. She had flown to Toronto yesterday, with Ruth. She told her lots of stories, but she said she was able to put Ruth's mind to rest, that Ben had not been exploited by Robert, that Robert became a nicer person after he had met Ben and “would have let himself tear apart by wolves to protect him”. Well, I am glad that Marjorie managed to do in 30 minutes what Barbara and I had tried the day before in 3 hours.

In the afternoon Barbara wanted to rest, Erik joined her, as newly-weds. Ben is still sorting through Robert's stuff. He is uploading some home movies to an USB stick for himself.

It was snowing all afternoon. Gus rang to invite us for a sleigh ride the next day. This time I agreed.

Ben and Erik cooked dinner together again, I am still surprised by their relationship. They are so at ease with each other. Erik used to be “in charge” of Ben when he first lived as a slave. He had lived in the house for several months “normal”, and then began his training and moved into the basement with Erik. Erik was also the person who carried out punishment.

Barbara and Erik are not very active any more, they live mostly vanilla. They have both slipped quite easily into their roles again when it comes to Ben, he seems to unconsciously encourage it.

Saturday, 12^th November

I tied the slave to the bed again, not necessarily to prevent him from leaving, just because I can. After a good breakfast we went to Gus's house with Erik. Erik was prepared to come along and drive a sleigh. We heard the dogs from a mile away. Erik and Ben helped prepare the dogs, get them into their harnesses. The dogs were excited by the snow. I could see Erik was nervous, Gus cited the route we wanted to take, it was very safe, as both Ben and Erik are out of practice. I sat on the sledge with Gus, Erik and Ben were on the other. Erik started off, and they swapped half way through. I had never been sledging before, it was fantastic. When we came back the dogs needed to be sorted first, then we all went into the hot tub. This time Ben was prepared so he could stay in the water longer. Gus very kindly had changed the water to make sure there were no bacteria in it.

He must have put something else into the water, because I did something I have never done before. I engaged in group sex. Well, I did not have intercourse with Gus or Erik, but here was heavy petting involved. I cannot recall now how it happened, we ended up in the house, Gus had disappeared, and Ben wanted to be fucked by Erik and me, at the same time. It is a position he and Erik were experienced with. It was amazing. Ben really loves sex, and he absolutely gives himself.

When we finally got home, we had something to eat and then Ben was tired. Barbara put him into some rope, she is very skilled. As the boy was nearly asleep, he was very pliable. We kept checking on him, he was coping with his restraints.

Ben had told me how skilled Erik is with a whip. We went to the basement and he proved it to me. It was a short, but intense session. I tried to keep it from Ben, but he knew.

Barbara asked me if she can spend the night with the slave. How could I deny her.

Must be funny for Erik, his bride of not even 48 hours is spending the night with another man.

An intense day

Wednesday, 9^th November

Last night when Ben and I went to bed, he offered we could get some gear and I could do what I wanted, as a thank you for organising his mother's visit. I thought we should put that on hold, his mother was next door. I did gag him and we had sex.

Ben was up early, Erik and him made breakfast. Barbara was suffering from morning sickness and stayed in bed.

Ruth was ready to get more details about Ben's life with Robert. I knew from the conversation she had with Ben in Anyers, it was important to her to find out more about those years. That's why I had organised her visit. Erik and I went shopping, I was going to cook and wanted to get the ingredients.

Ben showed her the basement, he told me later Ruth was shocked by what she saw.

Barbara got up for lunch, and after wards we all sat down to watch some home movies. I enjoyed seeing them, it gave me an insight into a live I wanted to learn more about. Robert was behind the camera most of the time, I would have liked to see more of him. Ben and Ruth were sitting together, and Erik and Barbara, I felt a little left out again.

I went out onto the porch. After a short while Ben noticed I had left and he came out. We held each other. That was all we needed. We are sure of each other.

When we came back in, a film started showing Ben's chastity belt, they had just purchased it. Ben rushed to the computer to switch it off, but his mother wanted to see it. He had the apradavya then.

Ruth again was shocked, it must have been very painful? Ben explained about his piercings and what he had now. She asked after the device, he explained he is still wearing it and that we are actually getting a new model and some modifications. He said as he does not have any balls, he prefers wearing a device, it stops his penis from swinging around, as male underwear does not fit very well. As a mother one really does not want to hear about that, I thought, but she seemed quite interested. Ben looked for a certain file on the computer and showed us some footage that was taken straight after his operation, and a few days later, when it had healed better. Goodness, he was so young then, only 21. Ruth asked a few questions about the procedure, and Barbara explained. I expected Ben would offer to show his mother the real thing, and put my hand over his mouth to stop him.

Ruth requested to speak to Barbara and me in private, Ben and Erik took off with Lana. Ruth asked Barbara a lot of questions, she was concerned Ben had been “pressed” into this life. Barbara was very good at explaining how Ben spent those 9 years with them, how it all came about, that Ben was never forced into anything. I was able to support her with my experiences of Ben's Aspergers, how he needs routine, reassurance and a guiding hand. Barbara recounted how Ben was one day alone at the house, and Erik found him polishing an ornament vigorously. He tried to stop him, but in the end Erik had to take drastic action to get Ben out of his fixation.

Barbara got quite annoyed with Ruth's probing questions, she said: You knew a child in a teenager's body, Ben developed when he came here, and with our support he grew up and came to terms with his body. Do not come here after 10 years and tell me I screwed up your son! We encouraged him, he did his degree, if he had wanted to leave, he would have been free to go at any time.

Ruth accepted that. She asked Barbara what she had asked me, if Ben had gotten to hospital earlier, would the outcome have been different? Barbara had to consider her answer, she said it was difficult to say. They had consulted 2 specialists in Canada about the reversal, both concluded it was the botched up surgery that prevented a reversal. Apparently the removed intestine, for some reason, was not pathologically examined, which would have been the normal procedure. They had to rely on the judgement of the doctor in theatre what he had been presented with, every body reacts different to infection. She could not put Ruth's mind to rest in that matter. She assured her that with the right diet and care, Ben can live a normal, long life.

The phone rang, it was Erik, were they allowed to come back?

By now it was time for me to prepare dinner.

At dinner Ruth felt uncomfortable that Ben was not eating much. Everyone was eating heartily, while he only had some vegetables and his shake, which of course he finished before us, and just sat there while we still ate. We are all used to this, so were a bit perplexed by her. I guess that's what happens when you do not see your son for 10 years.

The travel and excitement must have caught up with Ruth, she went to bed early.

A surprise for Ben

Tuesday, 8^th November

This morning Ben took me to see his old neighbour Gus. Robert used to part own some sledging dogs with Gus. Erik used to go dog sledging until he was pulled into a ravine and not found until the next day. Robert had taught Ben, but Ben got too cold, no matter how many layers and best materials he wore. The dogs recognised him. Gus was about to go on a training run, it had not snowed yet, so they use wheels under the sledges. He encouraged the boy to take the dogs for a short run. Gus found some gloves, hat and a jacket and Ben went off with the dogs. They followed his instructions perfectly, as far as I could see. He had offered to take me along, I had declined. Gus had offered the hot tub for when he came back, so he could warm up. While Gus went for his run with the dogs, Ben and I were in the hot tub. Oh, it was nice! We could not stay too long, as the glue on his stoma bag would come undone. We enjoyed each other's company. Sex in the hot tub is nearly impossible though. Gus came back when we were drying off, he had obviously seen Ben naked before, as he commented on his changed piercings.

In the afternoon Ben and I went for a tour of South River. Ben drove, he was so at home everywhere and with everything. Ben showed me the motel where he used to work, it had recently changed hands, so we did not go in to say hello.

It was getting dark so we came back to the house, Ben went back to Robert's computer, he was saving home movies onto discs, cataloguing them for Barbara.

I had organised a surprise for him, and Erik and I went off to sort it. After I had spoken with Barbara the previous day, I had phoned Ruth and invited her to come. I had paid for her flights from Boston to Toronto and then to the local airport. It meant quite a bit of travelling for Ruth, but she was very interested to see South River.

When we arrived back, Ben had dinner in the oven. I thought he was going to faint when we entered.

We explained when we had hatched the plan; he gave me a long hug, nearly squeezing all my air out, thanking me. He showed Ruth around the house, he did not show her the basement. She was to sleep in Robert's room.

We had a lovely dinner, Ruth was not too tired from her trip, she was excited to be here. We spent the evening talking.

Ben is "home"

Sunday, 6^th November

Just a quick note while we are waiting for Erik and Barbara to settle up.

I woke the slave up yesterday and we had sex. He loved it, and so did I. I claimed him again.

Monday, 7^th November

The journey from Toronto to South River took 3.5 hours. They had hired a SUV for the journey, Barbara and Erik shared the driving. Erik is so different from how I remember him, so much more confident. He has a collar like Ben used to have. One would not think he has a learning disability.

It was so strange walking into that house and Robert was not there. Ben quietly walked around, touching things, remembering. Barbara mentioned they wanted to wait with their packing for the move until we are gone, they thought it would be better for him to see his familiar surroundings undisturbed.

Sadly the older dog had died during the summer. They want to wait until they are settled in the new house before getting another one. Lana, the current dog, was with a neighbour until the next day. Ben was disappointed not to see her, but he accepted it. He wanted to show me around, of course I know the house, but I let him take me by my hand and he explained some items to me which meant something to him. We had a choice of bedroom, Robert's old room or the guest room. There was no hesitation, we chose the guest room. We unpacked, Erik and Barbara went about doing their stuff. Erik said the dinner he had planned was “not gonna happen”, the fridge had packed up and everything had gone off. They knew it was on the brink, but had hoped it would last a few more weeks.

So we had to go out again, we went to the Diner where they used to eat often. Marjorie, the owner, was almost as pleased as Ruth to see Ben. She called her husband out of the kitchen, he was the typical man who had lived with a woman who likes to gossip for 40 years. He seemed pleased to see Ben, but left his wife to it. They made Ben his special: Pancake with syrup and a shake. We had brought some powder. When I took it to the counter, Marjorie cornered me. She told me how everyone missed Ben, how awful it was when Erik and Ben had been brought to the diner in restraints, and how she had to throw them out one summer as they put off her tourist guests. Some locals were in the Diner and spoke to the others and welcomed Ben. She asked me if I am a Master as well. I confirmed it, she looked at me critically and said no, you do not look like one of those!

I laughed and asked her if I should prove it, but she just sent me back to the table.

I was very hungry, the food was very good. We all, except Ben, had some superb blackberry pie. Well, he had a spoonful. The seeds in the blackberries can cause him problems, even just a tiny bit.

Marjorie wanted a promise that we come again during the week, which I was glad to give, the food was so good.

Ben wanted to sleep in the basement, for old times sake. Erik joined him. Another night on my own. This time I knew he would not want to share a bed with Erik.

This morning they got up early to fetch the dog. I wish they had woken me and taken me along, according to them it was a boisterous reunion.

Barbara wants Ben to sort out some stuff from Roberts computer, mainly the home movies.

She and Erik have gone to buy a new fridge and return the rental car. Ben is out playing with the dog.

The boy and the dog came back in, he was not aware of me sitting, watching him. He came into the kitchen, made himself a hot drink, gave the dog some biscuits. It was strange for me, he was so at home here, he knew where to find everything, he moved as if he had never left.

He turned and saw me watching him, I had startled him. He offered to make me a drink, I said I was fine. He came and sat on the floor in front of my chair, facing me. He tentatively put my feet on his legs, I let him. He rubbed my feet, they were a bit cold, no underfloor heating here. The dog laid beside him, she does not know what to make of me.

I asked the slave what it was like for him, being back here. He said he often expected Robert to walk in any moment, and then he would remember, he found it a little difficult. Roberts office was at the end of the lounge, the doors were closed. He looked in that direction, and sighed. I stood up and pulled him up, then walked him over to the door. He nodded at me and I opened the door. We entered the room, it was tidy and clean. A big old fashioned desk was at one side of the room, facing the room. On the opposite side were some shelves, opposite the door the window. Holding the slaves hand, I walked around the room with him. On the floor in front of the shelves were some metal bars and other parts, it looked like it was some kind of device. I asked him what it was. He said: Remember when you wanted to put me into the MilkMaid device and I did not fancy it? This is the construction that Robert built to have me in. I knew this was uncomfortable for him. He went to the desk and switched the computer on. He seemed very familiar with it. Then we heard the truck pull up, Erik and Barbara were back. He started to get up and said he better help them bring the shopping in. I pushed him back onto the chair and told him to do like Barbara had asked, to make a start on sorting those movies, I can help them.

They had bought a new fridge, the store was going to deliver it later. In the meantime they used an insulated box on the porch. Barbara went to lie down, she looked a bit pale. Erik started to prepare some food he wanted to cook at dinner, it needed to marinate. I went to see how the boy was getting on. He looked upset, he handed me a sheet of paper. It was a letter from Robert, which must have been written a few days before his death. He had typed it. It basically explained again how much he loved the boy and how difficult it was for him to send him away, but how happy he was of the reports from me how well he had settled in. There were also 2 letters from his father, addressed to Robert. One was written after Ben had sent the first letter “home”. The 2^nd letter was sent a few years later, when his father had found out that Ruth had hidden letters from Ben and then re-directed the mail to his office. They letters curtly told Robert to stop Ben from writing. He had found it in a drawer, in a folder addressed to him.

Ben went into the kitchen, it was time for his shake, he talked to Erik about his dinner plans. Suddenly he left and knocked on Barbara's door. He talked to her for a while, and then whispered with Erik, they were both smiling. I felt so out of place.

Ben must have picked up on it, he came back to speak to me. We went for a short walk while Erik prepared some lunch, Ben wanted to show me a favourite spot.

Barbara joined us for lunch, and then she wanted to speak to me. Erik made his excuses, he needed to tidy the garage, ready for the move. Ben went back to the computer.

Barbara told me what the secrecy was about earlier, she is pregnant. At her age she is not finding it easy. Ben had picked up on it and came to see her to congratulate. We talked generally about her and

Erik and their plans for the future.

Ben asked me to join him. He fetched a chair to sit next to him, well, actually, he moved to the chair, so I could have Robert's comfortable chair. There was a list of files on the screen, he asked me to open one. He got up and left the room. The film showed Ben, in Robert's device. It was hard to watch. There were loads. It was off putting, and strangely fascinating. I watched short sequences of several clips, the positions were slightly different, but mostly very much like the MilkMaid device.

I think I will get rid of that.

I asked Ben what he wanted to do with them. He came and deleted them. He found Erik and he asked me to help carry the dismantled device out to the truck, Erik had already started to put some scrap metal onto the back, from the garage. I helped them drive it to a local scrap yard.

Erik and Ben prepared dinner together, they were a good team. Ben had his OCD well under control.

A confession

Hello readers,
I seem to have picked up quite a following.
That is very nice.


Please comment.


Yesterday I started to read the blog which inspired this story again. The blog is Master Ian's slave.
Realised that he describes something similar to my coat cuffs. Shame on me, I thought I had invented that.
I must admit, if you have read it, or read it now, you will find a lot of similarities. I hope my characters are enough an individual. So, please keep reading, and some comments would be very welcome.


Thanks, the author


Wow, this is getting a lot of views! Why!?
Is it the title?

The memorial service

Saturday, 5^th November

Erik and Ben turned up when Barbara and I had nearly finished breakfast. They looked tired, they said they had been up talking a lot. Later Ben told me they did have sex, but they only used one condom.

The service was at 2pm, so we had the morning to kill. Ben knows Toronto a little, he showed me around. Barbara and Erik wanted to run some errands. We found a Diner to have some food, Ben was only picking at his.

He wanted to go back to our room before going to the service. As it was nearly time, I waited for him. A lot of people turned up, some I could recognise immediately as from the leather community, even when they were dressed in civilian clothes. Barbara had requested that they do not come dressed up. She said some people had travelled far. It was nearly 2pm and Ben was still not here. Barbara did not want to start without him. I went to the room, he was sitting on the floor with his head between his knees, trying to steady his breathing. I sat down with him and guided him through some exercises. Finally he felt strong enough to go downstairs. Of course everyone's eyes were on us when we walked into the room, it was 2.20 by now. Several photos were displayed, Robert as a child, as a young man next to his truck, with his dogs, and one of “the family”.

Barbara held the eulogy. I learned a few things I did not know about Robert. Ben was clasping my hand, it was getting painful. To be honest, I thought he would handle it better. When Barbara spoke about him and Robert, her voice changed. Before she had been quite neutral, now she had empathy in her voice. Was it because Ben was in the room and she could see how much he was struggling, or was it because those years had been so special? I think it was the 2^nd. I felt such an outsider! This was such an important time in Ben's life, it is the reason why we are together now, but it still is a mystery to me and will always be. The thought that I will have lots of years of memories with Ben still to experience comforted me. She did mention me and how happy Ben is now. She said my reports back on how Ben settled in gave Robert such satisfaction.

She invited people to share their memories, Erik spoke, as did some others, Ben did not want to speak. They played a song Robert had liked and then it was over. There was a buffet in the room next door. People came up to Barbara, Erik and Ben and chatted. I held back. I felt I was here to support Ben, not for Robert. A few people approached me, of course they had seen me with Ben and concluded who I am. Some read our blog. Mostly they enquired how Ben is, and they told me what a great couple him and Robert had been. It was nice to hear that they were so popular. Ben said he did not have any friends in Canada, he certainly had a lot of acquaintances who liked him very much and still care about him.

There were some tables and chairs around the room, proper ones and lounge furniture. I was sitting in one, I had asked for some proper tea. The waitress brought it to me when Ben came over and sat down. He was exhausted, he had to answer the same questions again and again. He drank most of the tea. He had brought a plate of food, he had not had the chance to eat as he was constantly approached by well wishers. People started to leave, Barbara and Erik were able to take a break and eat something as well. We were all tired and talked out and decided to do our own thing. Ben and I went to the gym. He stayed under the shower for a long time. One guy came in and could not stop staring at Ben, I am not sure if he looked at his stoma or his belt. I finally told him off, they guy could not leave quickly enough. Ben thought it was quite funny.

We went back to our room, we were both aroused, but then we ended up just kissing and cuddling. Somehow we did not feel like having sex. He is already asleep. I took a photo of him, all tangled up in the sheets. I do not have any photos of him naked. His hair is still quite short, he looks so young.

He does not have any beard growth, or chest hair, due to his sex. He took his belt off to dry it and himself properly and we have not put it back on yet. I think I might wake him up and we try sex again.