Monday, 2nd November
When I woke up I could hear the
slave in the shower. He was in there for a long time. I finally went
into his bathroom and told him off – yet again! He said he was sore
and hoped the hot water would ease his tension in his shoulders. I
suggested we look into getting him a massage. People have threatened
me with death if I ever try to massage them again. He just cannot
lie on his front at the moment.
He prepared me a nice breakfast
while I was in the shower, he had offered to suck me off, but I was
not in the mood. Over breakfast I told him what had happened last
night and hopefully Stine and Torben were alright. I then had a
meeting with my club manager and the accountant in town. I told the
the slave to rest, NOT to clean the house or go out.
Martin, my manager, told us he had
been contacted by the authorities, they want to knock down our whole
row of buildings and build social housing. Our numbers are never
great over the summer, we think it is as we do not have outside
space, we even closed throughout August this year, it always is a
dead month. The interior is very dated, and we have been talking
about a refurbishment. So we were all agreed to accept the offer,
although it is below market rate (we lease the land, and own the
building). Martin said he had some ideas and would love to start
fresh, he would like to come in as a partner and investor. I told him
to do a proposal some time before Christmas. Then I had to sort out a
few things with the accountant. I told him about the boy's trust
fund, and showed him the paper work. He suggested we could probably
have everything transferred to Sweden, then everything will be much
easier to deal with and we do not have the currency fluctuation all
the time. He said as there is so much money involved, it could take 6
months. I instructed him to proceed.
I told him that we need to pay a
fine with the migration board and I want to release some money. We
talked how everything is going, and I told him all about our problems
and that I am very seriously
reconsidering work. He then
reported about the management of the town house. His company merged
with a property management company, and they have taken over our
file. The manager in charge wanted to have a chat with me and maybe
look around, he said we pay too much for heating and should look into
replacing the system. I agreed he should make an appointment with me
later in the week. I also mentioned they boy had told me that morning
he wants to close his Canadian bank account. As Barbara and Robert
are co-signatories, it is yet again not straight forward. I told him
we do not expect for Robert to live into the new year. My accountant
said he does not know about retail banking that much. So I am going
to go to a bank and make some enquiries.
Finally I invited the accountant to
our wedding, he worked for my Master and I have known him for nearly
20 years. He is a nice elderly, straight gentleman, but has attended
BDSM functions out of loyalty to his clients. He declined politely,
stating he will be on a cruise.
By now it was nearly lunchtime, so
I hurried back. From the station I phoned the boy to tell him I was
on my way. I stood in front of the flower stall and on impulse bought
some red roses for him.
When I came home he was cooking
lunch and surprised to see me so early, turned out he had thought I
had phoned before I had
gotten on the train. I dropped on one knee and with my flowers asked
him to marry me. He accepted, of course! I kissed him, my love for
him urged through my system and my heart ached. I said: I love you,
and after a brief pause assured him he did not have to say it back.
He does not respond very well to a kiss, it is almost a duty kiss.
Only during sex does he get passionate.
I went to get a vase from the
shelves in the living room and could smell furniture polish. So he
had disobeyed me and cleaned! I told him off and he said, he had only
dusted, that is not cleaning. Lunch was quiet, he served us
spaghetti bolognaise and a hot dessert, a traditional Swedish one I
used to get a lot at school. I asked him were he got the recipe from,
he said he ripped it out of a magazine at the hospital. I reckoned we
did not have the ingredients in the house, and asked him about it. He
admitted he had to go to the shops, but used the bus. It is 2 stops
on the bus or a 10-15 minutes walk. I gave him a lecture about
disobeying me. He has learned that he is to look at me and not bow
his head when I tell him off. I know he meant well, but it is the
principle. I never use physical punishment, in our world it gets
blurred otherwise. So I told him to remove his belt and plug. Then we
went for walk. He had to be always 2 or 3 steps in front of me. If he
had so much energy to clean and go shopping, than he could manage the
walk. I actually quite enjoyed it, and I think it did him good as
well. When we came home after 2hours, I told him to rest. I made him
his afternoon snack and brought it to his cell.
I fell asleep on the sofa and woke
up from noises in the kitchen area, the house is open plan. The slave
made me some tea and then dinner preparations. I watched him closely,
he was not his self, he was not as meticulous and organised,
sometimes even stopping to think where something is. I was worried
the walk was too much, but he assured me he was ok. He said he had
been feeling restless all day. Indeed there was something behind his
eyes, where there was usually the sadness, he looked rather lost.
Over dinner he was quiet, usually he can talk and talk when he is
allowed. I reported from our meeting this morning and that we will
sell the club. I reminded him we had a meeting at the hotel on
Thursday re the wedding details. He thanked me again for the flowers
and asked if he can dry and press one. I was touched he wanted to
keep a momentum. He jokingly said now he “needs”
an engagement ring.
When we have an evening together,
if we are not in the playroom, we watch TV together, or read, or he
does his homework. I often put him into some kind of restraint
anyway, he gets a big smile on his face. I sometimes let him choose a
restraint. Tonight I took him to the playroom and fucked his arse
very slowly, edging him several times. I fucked him from the back. He
enjoyed it, but knew it was not for his, but my enjoyment. He enjoys
it differently than being fucked in his vagina. He says he has no
preference, both have their own merits. I let him cum. Dr Fahji was
able to give us an insight into his anatomy. Normal men can store cum
in their ball sacks, that is basically what they are for. As Ben does
not have that option, he needs to release sperm more often. He often
ejaculates without coming, his body needs to eliminate the sperm from
his tubes.
I then sent him off to bed, and he
was not allowed to read.
Tuesday, 3rd November
Sad, sad news. Robert died earlier
today.
To be honest, I would have thought
it would be quite a few weeks longer, I guess in my mind I just was
soo afraid how the boy would cope with it. He is dealing with it much
better than I thought he would.
The boy was kneeling in front of my
bed this morning, not too close. We took a shower together, he took
good care of me. We had breakfast and then we went to the gym. The
trainer and yoga instructors were quite happy for the boy to start
his sessions, and they would revise the program slightly, and make
sure he does not exert himself. He will resume his routine on
Thursday. He then went to see Ingrid, I told him to have fun and
lunch with her, I gave him some money. I had a session in the gym and
several things to do in town. We arranged I would meet him back at
the house for afternoon coffee and cake.
I went to my bank and made some
enquiries about his Canadian account. They suggested we wait until
Robert has died and probate has been sorted. There is – of course –
a lot of paper work, with signatures witnessed, required. And the old
phrase again: It would have been easier to sort this in Canada.
Thinking about it now, this morning I was expecting Robert to live...
I met a friend of mine who produces
corporate movies, and we isolated a frame from the film Robert sent
the boy for his birthday as a photo. I am having it framed. I had
lunch with my friend and he entertained me with some stories from his
work. Then I went to a specialist jeweller to get an “engagement
ring”. Ben had bar piercing through the tip of his penis, which I
was never keen on. We have not put it back since he is home from
hospital. He has not mentioned it, so maybe he was not keen either.
But now he has these 2 holes, so I thought it would be nice to put
some rings through them, one as an engagement ring, one for the
wedding. I bought 2 piercing rings. I was quite excited about putting
it in tonight. I have not had so much sex since I was much younger!
I did not call him to say I was on
my way, he knew I would be back around 3.30pm. When I put my key in
the lock, I hesitated a moment, something held me back. When I
entered, he was in the hall, with his new collar, kneeling on a
cushion, smiling. Suddenly his face contorted, he gasped and fell to
his side. I was dreading the worst: aneurysm, stroke, heart attack,
did he pull the collar too tight?
I rushed over and took the collar
off, he was starting to come round. I freed his hands and held him.
He looked at me and said with a clear voice: Robert just died.
Then he got up, went to the wash room and let water run over his
wrists, as if to cool down, and washed his face. I still sat on the
floor, wondering what had just happened. Earlier I was happily
picking out rings, now this .. sadness?
He went to the kitchen and started
to make tea. It looked as if he had been in the middle of preparing
dinner, it was unlike him to leave everything lying around and then
rush to kneel for me to come home. He would have planned his time
better. Did he somehow know that I was close? How did he know Robert
had died? Barbara would have contacted ME, we were both dreading
having to break the news to him. He was taking it too well!
I felt confused and went into the
garden, down to the pier. Somehow I knew I had to wait for the slave
to speak first. He came to the pier, with 2 mugs of tea. We sat in
silence for a while, watching the sun set.
Finally the slave explained: When
he first met Robert, they shook hands, and he felt Roberts energy
enter him. Since then he has been “possessed” by him. He felt,
despite him wanting to and trying very hard, since he has arrived, he
could not give himself to me as Robert still had a hold over him. On
Saturday, when he recorded the message, he felt a kind of release,
and after he had recorded the message for Robert on Sunday, he had
made his peace. He understood and forgave Robert for sending him
away. He accepted that that period of his life was over. He felt
there was finally space in his heart to let me in. Since then he had
felt restless, which had increased Sunday night, as if he was
searching for something. That morning Ingrid had noticed and told him
off as well, he could not concentrate, not sit still and kept
fiddling. When he came home he started to prepare dinner, when he
suddenly could see me, in his mind, coming down the road. So he had
the idea to get the collar on and present himself to me. Just before
he fainted he heard Roberts voice: Goodbye, beanpole; which was
Robert's nickname for him. We sat silently a little longer, then he
went inside. When I finally came in he was in the kitchen continuing
with his preparations. He pointed out my phone, he said I had 2
messages. The first one was from Stine and Torben, inviting us for
dinner on Saturday. When I told the boy about the invitation, he
said: see, we can be open about our relationship. I texted
back we would gladly accept. The second message was from Barbara,
just that she needed to talk to us. She had never contacted US, so I
knew she was going to confirm what we already knew. I answered her,
did she want to skype or speak on the phone? We arranged to skype 20
minutes later.
I asked what the boy was making for
dinner, he had lots of fish pieces on the counter, and he confirmed
he was making fish pie. I must have pulled a face, because he said he
did not realise I did not like it, so far I had happily eaten his
dishes. I replied that I have bad memories of this dish from my time
in England. Ah, but I had not tried HIS fish pie yet! He has a secret
ingredient, and could I leave now so he can put it into the sauce. So
I came to the office to get ready for the talk with Barbara. The boy
came in just in time and settled himself under the desk. Bit odd
maybe, but I am used to his sometimes funny behaviour like that by
now.
When we got through to Barbara, she
looked a bit tired, but she was composed. Of course she asked where
Ben was, and I told her “under the desk”. She sniggered. She
reported how much Robert had enjoyed getting the message from Ben, he
kept watching it over and over, sometimes stopping the film, just
soaking in the image. Afterwards his demeanour had changed. This
morning it had been a glorious day, when they had helped him to get
up he had said: It is a nice day to die. He had asked to to sit on
the porch. Barbara and Erik (slave no1), had to tend to some things
in the house, and when they came to check on Robert, he had passed
away, without using his medication. That was at about 8.50 local
time. Ben had fainted at 15.43 our time. (it is a 7 hour time
difference)
Ben got up and left the room. I
told Barbara what had happened here earlier. She was not too
surprised to hear it. She asked me to urge him to call her later,
slave no1 wanted to talk to Ben as well.
I was torn between leaving him
alone for some time or go after him. Finally I decided to see him, I
felt I needed him as much as he might need me. He has a little ante
room to his cell, where his wardrobe his etc, the design is the same
in both homes. I knocked and walked in. He sat on his cot, the photo
of his family lying beside him. He quietly said: It is good.
He patted the mattress beside him and I sat down, he leant into me, I
held him. We just sat for a while, with our own thoughts. He told me
how Robert has donated his body to science, and there will be no
funeral, not even a memorial service. I said if he wanted to do
something, we could certainly do something, maybe he would want to
light a candle in a church for him? (Have I mentioned, the boy was
brought up Roman Catholic) He responded it was a nice idea, maybe we
could do that the next day. Then he wanted to make the phone call;
and dinner would be ready soon, it was in the oven. It was quite
early to eat, but I suddenly realised how hungry I was, I did not
have my afternoon cake I had expected.
While he was on the phone in the
office, I laid the table and made his evening shake. When he came
back, I was already sitting at the table. He lightly squeezed my
shoulder and thanked me. He had never initiated contact before, quite
rightly in his position. He does indicate to me if he wants bondage
or sex, but usually in a subtle way, and it is up to me to take it
further or not.
He picked himself some pieces of
fish, mainly prawns, out of the dish, carefully avoiding too much
sauce and the peas. The cream/cheese sauce and the peas would all
give him problems with his digestion. I praised him for his pie, it
was much better than the slop I had been served as a child. He was
mashing his fish, eating morsels. He noticed me looking puzzled at
him, and he explained that the infection in his gut had been due to a
fish bone being stuck, so he is extra careful. I always thought they
did not know what the cause had been, so it was interesting to hear
this information.
Ben asked me about my day, but I
did not say much. I have arranged with the new property manager to
meet at the town house tomorrow. That reminded me, I needed to phone
Per, we would want to meet with him and Lasse. Ben suggested he would
like to invite Stine and Torben to the wedding. I thought it was an
excellent idea, but not to mention anything to them until after the
dinner on Saturday, so we could kind of see if they would be up to
it, then we did not put them under pressure to say yes to something
which they did not feel comfortable attending. This would bring our
little party to 11 guests.
After dinner the boy cleared up and
I fetched the ring. I told him to meet me in the playroom when he was
ready, naked. I changed into my favourite outfit. Somewhere in the
back of my mind I thought: was it too soon? Or is it important for me
to assert my position NOW?
I could hear his footsteps, right
in front of the door he stopped and got onto his knees. I was waiting
at the chair and beckoned him in, to walk over. He climbed onto the
chair, looking at me with so much trust, anticipation, lust and
..love. I said to him: I have gotten you an engagement ring. He
understood it was not a ring to have on your finger. I explained
where I wanted to place it, and he held his penis while I put the
ring in. I started to touch and caress him, and he was immediately
aroused. I lent over him kissing his neck, when he whispered into my
ear: I want you to possess me. I picked him up and carried him to my
bedroom. He helped to undress me and after several hours we finally
fell asleep, exhausted from our love making.
