Ben is recovering and coming home

Tuesday, 27^th October

It is so different seeing how a hospital operates from the other side. I went to see Ben in the morning, he was doing well. They changed the bandages again when I was there and they are very happy with his progress. He had no fever this morning, he has no pain and can eat a little.

I went across the street to the hotel. Well, it is a bit longer than across. Right opposite the hospital is a cemetery, which I always thought is a bit macabre.

So I went across to the hotel to have some lunch. Sonja from the events team recognised me and came over. She was very nice when she heard Ben is not well. We actually have not decided on a menu yet, and I warned her he might need special treatment on the day. He cannot have bubbly drinks, no alcohol, and it would be best if he has smaller portions. She said that will be no problem at all, and we can confirm this nearer the time. It really is a lovely spot, I must thank Ingrid for showing it to him.

In the afternoon Ben was still free of fever and we went up and down the corridor. He had to lean onto me, or maybe he pretended? It was nice to be able to hold him. Dr Fahji thinks, if he keeps improving, I can take him home Friday evening or Saturday morning.

I talked to Barbara yesterday, of course she is very concerned. I assured her Ben has the best treatment. Robert wanted to talk as well, Skype is sometimes not a good idea, one cannot hide facial expressions. There is medication which slows the disease down, but he does not take it. He said he is sad to miss Ben's birthday, and I should give him a special long hug and kiss from him. It is so painful to think about what will happen. Ben and I have had such a bad time lately, am I selfish when I say I want Robert to hang on as long as possible for our sake?

Wednesday, 28^th October

I went to the gym and had a long session. I saw Sabine, I had forgotten to tell her about Ben. She ill visit him this afternoon. I am enjoying to have some extra time. I went to the house and checked everything. I had gardeners in to do the hedges. I am going to see Ben later.

I had his birthday all planned. I have a special collar for him, which used to be mine, it is a unique design, which is self locking. The collar goes around the neck, and has a buckle, then there is a strap, which can be at the front or at the back. One puts their hands in and if you pull down, it locks.

I used to love it. I have had it repaired and polished.

I have ordered him some books about European history, I checked with Barbara what is his special interest . We did spend some time in a book shop in London, and he was sad he could not buy many.

He likes to read before he goes to sleep.

Thursday, 29^th October

What a strange day we had.

Ben's recovery is going very well, he has been fever free since Tuesday. He still has a bit pain, but mostly from moving around. He still gets antibiotics. He needs to be on antibiotics for a week, but they would be happy for me to do it at home. They just need to make sure his digestion works well, and he slowly increases his food intake, with a mixture of liquid and solid.

Of course I could not bring all the presents into the hospital. I did bring my laptop in to show Ben the messages from Canada. He is still having his tea party, we asked everyone to come for 4pm, but definitely not earlier. Around 3pm is a lull, when staff are busy with other things, so Ben had some peace and quiet to watch his messages. It was hard to watch him. I felt such an outsider. I had offered to leave, but he wanted me there. He asked me how Robert is, the message had clearly been recorded some months ago. I had to be honest with him. I told him I saw him on Skype on Monday

and was shocked by his appearance. He was out of breath quickly when he talked to me. I think it will be very soon. Ben just went his usual quiet. I wanted to hug him, but he went stiff. He has never done that before. I asked if he wanted some time alone, and he just nodded. I stood in front of the door so that I could make sure no-one enters; and to listen out for him. I still get jealous, am I horrible?

It was nearly 4pm, so I knocked and entered the room shortly afterwards. The boy was in the bathroom, washing his face. Soon his friends arrived, and we went to the lounge. They had supplied everything, chocolate cake, tea and coffee, balloons, candles. We sang happy birthday and he looked exceedingly happy. We had agreed no presents, but everyone had brought something anyway. Sabine brought a Tibetan prayer flag, Ingrid her old book of Pippi Longstocking, and Per and Lasse are knitting him a jumper in a traditional design, it is not finished, they needed to try it for size. He was overwhelmed and was crying again. We took a nice photo. After an hour he was tired, I took him back to his room and then went home with all his presents.

Friday, 30^th October

I went to the hospital in the afternoon, Ben had seen Dr Fahji in the morning, he is very happy with the progress and I can take him home Saturday. I am enjoying my time off.

Saturday, 31^st October

We came home late morning. He wanted to put his belt on and a plug in. He had asked me to bring him a plug into the hospital, but I had refused. During the week he said to me, he wished I could be more of a Master in public, like the situation with the photo, he is used to it. In his small town in Canada the slaves were taken into public restrained, and only strangers stared. Well, this is Stockholm, and despite our reputation for free sex and liberal attitudes, like most places, BDSM is still an awkward topic for people. I responded that I will try, but being a 24/7 Master is pretty new for me and I am not as confident as he is to broadcast it. We went into his room and I helped him get the belt on, and I had chosen a plug for him. He made me so horny, and I knew he was as well, we had a good fuck up his vagina, he hand to hold onto to the bars of his cell as if his life depended on it.

I had prepared the presents, I already put the books on his shelves, so he only noticed them after a while, and was very surprised. He liked them very much. I showed him the collar, he loved it and tried it out immediately. I bought him some nipple rings, which we put in. It was a bit fiddly and I caused him some pain, but he likes a bit of pain. I made us lunch, he ate well. He is getting his antibiotics via an IV, due to his diet tablets would not have the same effect, he cannot absorb all of the medication properly. After lunch I put his IV in. Always makes me a bit uncomfortable, medicating him professionally. He opted to have it in his cell, while he rested a bit. “Normal” people probably baulk at the thought that he has a cell, but he is used to it, and it is his safe place. He asked if we can do some bondage, I told him to wait at least until tomorrow.

Later in the afternoon he wanted to record some messages to his Canadian family. We had fun doing that, he wanted to show the flat, and he was very enthusiastic, he was describing his home. We recorded separate messages for slave no1, Barbara and then he wanted to record something for Robert by himself. After quite some time he came into the living room, handed me the camera and said could I send the messages, but he needed more time to do the message for Robert.

I just sent the videos, they were small enough files to be e-mailed. I have notified them another film will follow.

Ben in hospital

Friday, 23^rd October

He has got an infection in his stoma. We went to see his doctor, and he confirmed what we already knew. He needs treatment in hospital, and I asked that he goes to another hospital, not the clinic where I work. Dr Svensson thought I would want him there, but I reminded him how much gossip there will be. The boy will not be able to hide his vagina and missing testicles, and soon everyone will know that I am living with a freak. I did not use that word in front of the boy, but that is what they will say. So we got him in at Karolinska, at least I know the specialist there, he is one of the best. They need to take a sample from inside his gut and let the bacteria grow to determine what antibiotics to give him. He will need an IV and intravenous antibiotics. He should be back home for his birthday.

Saturday, 24^th October

Life with Ben has been a rollercoaster, we have packed a lot into nearly 5 months.

Dr Fahji, the colon surgeon, took one look at Ben's stoma and decided it was too late for antibiotics. The infection was too bad. Dr Fahji was surprised that Ben has never had any more surgery in all these years. He did take some swabs anyway, so they could find out the bacteria. Luckily Ben knows how to deal with pain. They prepared him for surgery. I was able to go with him to pre-op, and

Dr Stuve was the anaesthetist, he is a creep, always making lewd remarks, even to me, about Ben.

We had the hassle about his collar again.

At some point I went outside to make a phone call to my boss, asking for some unpaid leave. A nurse came out, on the phone, and I overheard her talking to someone about Ben. Apparently a member of staff had taken a photo of Ben's genitalia. I took the phone out of her hand and told the person on the other side to keep it strictly confidential. Then I walked the nurse to find a supervisor. We bumped into Mr Fahji and I told him what had happened. He got everything in motion, he called security and HR. The nurse told us it was Dr Stuve who took the photo on his phone. Dr Stuve just came out of the OP, and Dr Fahji stopped him. Well, it all kicked off, luckily security had already arrived, they had to hold me back, or I would have punched him.

The nurse and Dr Stuve were escorted to separate rooms, I was interviewed by HR. Then they called that Ben was coming round, so I went to see him. He was of course groggy but doing ok. I had to get my act together so hard.

They called me later, they wanted me to confirm that the image on the phone was of Ben. I was assured it had not been forwarded, and the hospital IT geeks had confirmed that a photo on a mobile phone, once deleted, can only be recovered with specialist software. They deleted it in front of me.

I went to see Ben once he was back on the ward, he was quite awake. The lady from HR called me out of the room, and I pretended it was another problem with the insurance.

She gave me a summary of their enquiries so far. Apparently the nurse had called her sister, also a nurse, to ask how to best lodge a complaint against Dr Stuve. Her conduct was still not acceptable, she should have acted immediately. Both are suspended, and there will be a formal disciplinary hearing on Monday, where I have to give witness. Mrs Moers from HR hinted to me that Dr Stuve will be instantly dismissed., his case referred to the professional association. She, privately, suggested the hospital would not refer it to the police and it was up to me and Ben if we wanted to press charges against Dr Stuve. I must say, Mrs Moers was brilliant. She and her colleague stayed several hours after their shift ended, on a Friday evening.

When I got back into the room Ben was asleep. I took the bus home .People acted so normal, preparing to go out on a Friday evening, Ben and I were supposed to go out. One stupid, little decision can change your life so easily!

The flat was so empty without my boy.

Saturday morning Per called me, he knew something was wrong. It was good to be able to talk to him, he used to be a critical care nurse, so he understands.

I went to the hospital, outside Ben's room I bumped into Dr Fahji, who had come to check on him. We talked about the other issue, and I told him how impressed I was how efficiently it had been handled. Ben looked quite perky, Dr Fahji was happy with the progress. They did key hole surgery, and he said while he was in there, he took the opportunity to have a good look around, which is quite normal to do. He was able to see the testes and they look healthy. He could see where the surgeon had messed up Ben's colon, he said he has never seen such a bad job. Dr Fahji said he hoped Ben sued the surgeon, and Ben said they did, and he got 1.2 Mill $ sitting in a trust fund in the USA. I did not know that.

Ben is on general antibiotics, as they removed the infected parts, they did not need specialist ones. They are still waiting to hear what bacterium it was, it is important to find out how he got infected.

After Dr Fahji had gone I asked Ben about the trust fund. He was surprised I did not know about it, Barbara surely would have told me and given me the paperwork. I found it when I came home this afternoon. It is all held with an insurance company, and every 3 months they used to send receipts for his medical supplies, shakes and other expenses to the insurance, who would reimburse them out of the fund. Good, so I can bill them instead of the private insurance I set up.

I packed some more things to take to the hospital and went back for the afternoon. Ben was allowed a drink, and he got out of bed. All the nursing staff seem to have taken to him. He manages to communicate very well. He handles everything very well, he asked Dr Fahji important questions about the OP and how treatment would progress. When it comes to his body he is very clued up and confident.

I had to tell him what happened with the photo. He was not bothered, and more upset with me that I was so angry. He said he is used to it, it is normal to him, he just explains to people he was born that way and is quite happy to show them. He has had 8 years of it, so he is used to dealing with it. He reminded me he used to make money out of his “special” sex, and that is how we met. He got me there, I was slightly embarrassed. I said that is not the issue, a person broke the law, abused our trust.

I reported to him what the hospital had done and that Dr Stuve would most likely be barred from practising medicine in Sweden. It was up to us if we wanted to involve the police. Ben said, do we not have enough on our plates already? He was happy how the hospital is handling it and the matter is over. I am so proud of him and ashamed how little I give him credit. I always think I need to protect him, he is much stronger than he comes across. Somewhere I once read something like: to be a good slave you have to be very strong in mind, stronger than your Master. Well, my slave seems to be made of steel.

Tonight I am expecting a friend of MY Master, he is going to bring his slave and probably break me.

Sunday, 25^th October

I slept long, but had to get up as I could no longer find a comfortable position. I had a long, hot shower. I am very grateful to Master Sven and his slave. They had invited me to their place, but I am glad I insisted on here. It brought back happy memories and I was a bit in control.

I met for lunch with some friends, they were very supportive. I found it quite nice to socialise without the slave, how bad am I? Then I miss him terribly.

When I went to see him, he knew immediately what I had been up to the previous night. How can he be so perceptive? His recovery is going well. He had a fever last night, and was still not fever free today. That is not good. He manages the pain very well.

When I left he said he is worried about me, and he is glad I have taken time off work. This so typical of him, always putting others first.

Monday, 26^th October

This morning I went to see my bosses to discuss my time off. Of course it is never good to have to take time off at short notice, but they understand. I mentioned I want to reduce my hours anyway, or have a more regular shift pattern. They said they will look into it.

It is good to know the money is there for the boys treatments. I e-mailed Barbara, outlined Ben's illness and treatment. I asked her to skype me later tonight, I have some questions how to claim the money. It sounds as if I am after the money, which I am not, but we might as well use it. The insurance company is earning the interest on it, not Ben.

The disciplinary hearings were in the afternoon, I hung around the hospital all day. The boy had many visitors, his fever had subsided, but in the evening it was up again, hopefully only because he was so tired. If he still has a raised temperature tomorrow, it is a cause for concern.

We had the results from the lab, it was MRSI. Not good. He could have picked that up anywhere. His cold virus must have contributed to him developing such a bad infection. They are pumping him full of antibiotics. There is no way he will be home for his birthday.

Most of the time he washes his colon out once a day to eliminate the waste. It is quite a long procedure, but that way his body body gets into a system. This means he needs to eat at regular times. As his colon will be sensitive after the operation, he has to us bags for some weeks. He feels more self conscious with them, but how I know him, he will be able to handle it.

As expected Dr Stuve was instantly dismissed. The nurse had a warning and a weeks suspension without pay. We will be getting an official apology.

I have never in my life dealt with so many authorities as I have in the last 5 months! I hope our live settles down sometime soon!

Life goes on, Ben is ill

Tuesday, 13^th October

Am I being selfish when I ask myself why did I agree to take Ben? But the all this hassle is definitely worth it in the long run. I feel sorry for families from other states who are trying to build a

live for themselves in a safe country.

We talked for a long time Sunday afternoon. Ingrid phoned to see how we are and if she should come over, speak with Ben as a psychologist. I thought that was not a good idea, she is a friend, we should not cross that barrier. It made me think, maybe we need to consider professional help.

He opened up to me anyway, the prospect of suddenly loosing me made him panic, and he told himself, sending him away had been the right decision, he would probably not cope with seeing Robert deteriorate. He is glad I will be there to support him when the time comes, along with all his other friends. In Canada he did not have friends like he has here.

I explained to him what the border officer had recommended, booking a venue and setting a date.

He liked the idea, so we looked at some dates. His birthday is on the 29^th, we have not even talked about how we are going to mark this occasion. He suggested to get married on my birthday, 17^th December. I was not keen, but when he explained his thinking, I changed my mind. He said: Every year I can give you a great present for your birthday – myself. Anyway, with our birthdays quite close together, another special day within a period of 6 weeks would make these days less special.

We ended up making all these plans, whom to invite etc. We phoned the hotel, but of course the events team does not work on a Sunday evening, anyway, we left a message with some details of the date and expected numbers. We ended up having sex on the sofa, Ben was on top and made love to me with his vagina. It felt somehow wrong, me as Master basically being fucked. But it was soo good!

We had some hassle at the migration office, we might have to pay a fine. But we have finally started the procedure, it should be all ok now. I am not going to do anything about the lawyer, I have written to them to complain, but am not taking it any further. The hotel called us back, the date should not be a problem and we are seeing them on Thursday to talk details and have a look around. We are inviting my aunt, and my cousin and his family, they will enjoy staying at the hotel.

I did not want him to be alone all afternoon and evening, and he invited Sabine. They went to some obscure art film.

He has recovered well from his ordeal, at least he gives the impression. For some reason I am careful about being too happy.

Friday, 16^th October

We have booked the hotel, getting the registrar was no problem. The boy is talking about contributing financially, he does not need to, I am a millionaire. I do not really need to work, actually I have been thinking about reducing my hours. We have opted not to spend the night at the hotel, we will give the room to my cousin. They have not had the chance to have a honeymoon, as it was a rushed wedding and the farm commitments. Ben and I will want to celebrate our way.

He is developing a cold, and is right miserable. He even opted to miss yoga.

It is Master /slave night tonight, I guess we will not make this one either. I had my usual chat with Barbara yesterday, I did not tell her about the airport, it is done and dealt with, and at least it made us set a date. She is very happy for us. We considered if her and slave no1 could join us, but she thinks it is not appropriate. Anyway, she cannot leave Robert, if he is still alive then. I was shocked when she said that, but she is a doctor and has learnt to face facts and tell it like it is. He is very depressed and they have the medication ready. Saturday is my day off, I am going to take the boy to the house and we need to have the talk which I have been putting off.

Saturday, 17^th October

The boy really feels rough. We have come to the house anyway, the fresh air will hopefully do him good. I dragged him on a walk, to have the talk. I did not want to contaminate the house, I took his balcony thing as an example. He took it well, asked some questions about Barbara and his friend. I offered we phone or skype them, but he did not want that. He did not withdraw to his cell when we came home, but made dinner. He had an early night, but then his cold makes him tired.

Monday, 19^th October

We came back to the apartment yesterday, as I was on call. I arranged with the doctor in charge that I would stay at home, I can be there quickly. Ben is not well. Apparently he has never had it like this. I am concerned he is coming down with a serious illness. I am constantly reminding him to drink, thankfully he is used to a liquid diet. Lasse is also ill, I wonder if it is connected. I took the day off today, and am likely to have to take more days off, I cannot go into hospital and sit in an operating theatre when I have a virus at home. Ben seems to like the fuss, but at the same time he feels guilty that he “cannot do his job”.

Tuesday, 20^th October

The boy feels better today, and now I am feeling a bit “malade”. We have been playing computer games, something we both are not good at, we have been having a laugh. We talked about what he wants to do for his birthday, he wants to invite his friends for afternoon tea and then have some special time with me.

Thursday, 22^nd October

I came home from work to find the boy in his cell. Usually he would have dinner on the go. Today I was in theatre all day. He said he had a bit of abdominal pain and reckoned he overdid it at the gym. He had not been for 2 weeks, with being in London and than having the cold.

Trip to London

Sunday, 4^th October

I am at the airport, waiting to board the flight. I am nervous about leaving the boy. He will be fine, he has his friends, he has his sessions at the gym, yoga, tutorials. For goodness sake, it is only 3 days, he will be in my arms on Wednesday. Why do I have such a bad feeling about this?

We were in the playroom earlier, he wanted to be hurt. I refused at first, but he said whenever he would feel the pain he would be reminded of me, that I am his Master and he belongs to me. How could I refuse him after that. He had borrowed a whip from Per. I had never whipped anyone before, he kept telling me to do it harder. When I made him bleed, he was happy.

Monday, 5^th October

I have just spoken to the boy, he is fine. When I called yesterday, I could not get an answer, so I called Per. Per assured me the boy was fine, but due to being locked in their cage, could sadly not come to the phone, and he was forbidden to make a sound.

The conference is interesting, it is nice to speak to colleagues from around the world.

I am already so horny, the boy will not be able to walk on Thursday!

Tuesday, 6^th October

24 more hours! It suddenly dawned on me we will not have any gear, I thought about asking the boy to bring something, but he will have enough hassle at the airport with his collar. That is one reason why I asked Per and Lasse to travel with him. Lasse can take his collar off, but his piercings will keep the officials busy. My slave will leave his chastity belt at home, no plugs either. I have trawled the internet and booked us a dungeon for some hours. I was considering booking us both a session with a dominant. These last few months made me miss my Master and I have been so stressed lately, I am ready to give up control for a few hours. I do not like the idea of a Mistress, and I know the slave would be against it. He would probably do it for me, but I do not want to risk it. Barbara was not a Mistress in that sense, she hardly ever put him into bondage, Robert and slave no1 did that. But it would still not be right.

Thursday, 8^th October

The slave is still asleep, he sleeps on the floor. We had a nice re-union last night, I gagged him with some socks, I had to, I am sure our hotel neighbours heard us anyway. We found some belts, cords and bathrobe belts. He slept with his hands tied behind his back, I have just put him into a hogtie. I am going to wake him up shortly, so he can take care of my erection.

Friday, 9^th October

We travelled to my old neighbourhood yesterday, it has changed so much. After a while some buildings were familiar and happy and not so happy memories came back. In the evening we went to the Dungeon, we did not really enjoy being in an unfamiliar room. I am sure it is all cleaned properly, but we could not get into the mood and left after an hour. We just walked through London, enjoying the atmosphere. We found a gay pub and chatted to some nice people. I suggested we go to a show tonight, apparently that is the must do thing for tourists. Ben does not like musicals, me neither. NOT ALL GAY MEN LIKE MUSICALS!

Sunday, 11^th October

Where do I start? I am going to sue that immigration lawyer!

We arrived at the airport, and of course Ben has to use the channel for passport control outside EU. The queue for him was slow, so I waited near the desk on the other side. He seemed to have a problem. He pointed towards me and was getting very upset. I tried to find out what is going on, when I was approached and asked to wait at the side. They would not let me speak to him. They took him into an office. I was told to retrieve my luggage and I was welcome to wait. After an hour! an officer fetched me. I could see Ben in another interview room, he did not look well. I told the officer that it was important that Ben had something to eat and drink. They told me he overstayed his 90 days as tourist. If he knew he wanted to stay longer, he should have applied for a temporary resident permit in Canada at the Swedish embassy before he travelled. He was free to enter and stay for 90 days, but should have then applied to extend his visa once he was here. I explained that we had consulted an immigration lawyer and been given different advice. I told them we are getting married and have the certificate. It was an honest mistake. They could see were are not defrauding anyone, I am supporting Ben etc. The officer was very nice and listened patiently. When I asked what would happen to Ben, she said in the worst case scenario he would have to leave and apply for a visa from the country where he was last resident. That could take up to 6 weeks to come through. He would be given a chance to go home with me, and within 3 days he has to leave or he would be deported, which makes his application for a residency permit more complicated. I asked if Ben had been told what could happen. Luckily they had not, I explained that going to Canada or even the States was not an option, that he was mentally fragile as a close family member is dying. That he is with me so I can support him through this time. The officer was very kind, she said she would have to talk to her supervisor but that I had made a strong case. I asked to see Ben, which was refused. Again I asked them to make sure he gets food and drink. After about 20 minutes the officer came back, she had consulted her superior. On this occasion they would let Ben enter the country, but we had to get his residency application started on Monday. The officer recommended me unofficially to set a date as soon as possible and not let the certificate expire. If we set a date and could prove we have booked the registrar, it would strengthen our case.

I did not expect our liberal Sweden to be so strict. I am wondering, if I had not been a doctor with property, and a business interest; and Ben not a white person, it might have ended differently. I had to sign a document confirming the procedure she had stated to me. Then she had to go through the whole procedure with Ben. It was nearly 3 hours when we were finally able to leave. Ben was a nervous wreck, he could hardly walk. He had been given a drink, but nothing to eat. He even showed them his stoma!

I wanted to get away from the airport as fast as possible. Ben said he would not be able to eat, he did not even want a smoothie. I insisted he had some chocolate, which he melted in his mouth piece by piece. Luckily there was no queue for taxis. I phoned Ingrid and asked her to meet us at the apartment. I told her only we had a problem at immigration, I did not want to repeat it in front of Ben, who could just about keep it together. The taxi driver gave us funny looks in the rear view mirror.

Ingrid was at the apartment when we arrived, we had given her a key as Per and Lasse would not be there, who usually look after the flat. She was shocked to see Ben. He went straight to the bathroom and threw up. We always keep energy drinks, I do not like them, but sometimes they are useful. I made him sip some, but he could not keep it down. He started to sob in Ingrids arms like a child. He got violent hiccups, which can be dangerous for him. I had no choice but to call another taxi, go to the hospital pharmacy and get a sedative and an IV. When I came back Ben had calmed down, but he was still having hiccups. He had managed to sip some water. He was utterly exhausted. I injected him with the sedative and put the IV in. I never want to have to do something like that again.

After about 20 minutes he was asleep on the sofa, and the hiccups had stopped. I felt absolutely drained as well. Thank God Ingrid was there. I felt a bit jealous that he finally broke down and cried in her arms, that I was not able to give him that reassurance?

Ingrid and I went to the office, which is off the living room, and I told her in detail what had happened. She was shocked at the treatment we had received, she as well could not believe that the Swedish authorities could be so harsh. She wants me to come down on the lawyer.

I expressed to her my concern how Ben will react when I eventually have to tell him about Robert, after this episode.

She went to her flat to fetch some food she had cooked, and she brought some vodka.

I do not keep alcohol in the house, not even beer. My Master died of cancer, very likely hastened by his consumption of alcohol.

I managed to eat something, and a shot of vodka helped me to relax. The boy slept right through, I eventually carried him to his cot. I thought about having him in my bed, but I thought I need my sleep, too, and it will be good for him to wake up in his space. Any sign of distress, I would have heard. Like a mother, and as an anaesthetist, my unconsciousness can detect changes in breathing or sounds of distress.

I woke up as soon as I heard noises from Ben. He felt ok, very weak, he is very pale. He had some of his usual thin porridge, to which I added some jam, and some peppermint tea. He had a shower and did some yoga. I made him a protein shake, which he drank slowly. He is now resting in his cell, he has been his usual quiet all morning. We will have to talk about it today, about how we proceed.

I have to work tomorrow, I am on a late shift, this means we can go to the migration office tomorrow morning.

September

Friday, 4^th September

Just a quick entry before I have to start a late shift, followed by on-call over night. A colleague had to swap shifts, so we cannot make it to the Master/slave night today. The weather had turned yesterday, and after his tutorial, yoga class for him and gym for me, we had a light lunch and then an intensive session in the playroom. My Master had some fantastic bondage furniture built for this playroom. The slave has so much enthusiasm. I left him swinging while I prepared dinner. After the session he did not feel like eating very much, I insisted he finished his food, even if it took him ages.

Then we sat down to watch our TV show, he was sitting on a meditation stool, in a straitjacket, with his ankles secured to the buckles at the back, both holes plugged. He had to balance himself, and this put pressure on his plugs. He went to bed very frustrated. I wanted to keep him in the straitjacket, but he had to deal with his absolutions after eating a proper dinner.

I only saw him briefly this morning, he has tutorial, gym, yoga. By the time he is home, I will have gone to work. He is having lunch with his friend Sabine.

Saturday, 12^th September

Finally off! I have been on late shifts all week, so we have not had much time together. I woke him up one evening when I came home to fuck him, I needed to release and I missed his body. Luckily Ingrid is flexible with her time for lessons, so we can arrange them around my shifts. The same for the gym, the boy arranges his sessions around my shifts, but he likes to go to the same yoga classes.

We only managed one session, as we also had to go the house. I am considering if 2 houses are too much. How did I manage to look after them without the help of the slave?

Yesterday evening we went to see his doctor. He is practising from the same premises as my doctor, but I thought it would be better to have a different one. My doctor is nearing retirement anyway, so I choose a younger partner. Although the boy's Swedish is already very good, the doctors ability to speak English was another factor. I let the boy do most of the talking, he had no qualms at all talking about his condition, showing the doctor his vagina. Dr Svensson tried to be professional, but the expression on is face when he first saw the boy's private parts was priceless. When Barbara first told me about the boy, of course I was interested as a doctor, but also as a gay man. I am sure I was not able to hide my curiosity entirely. Dr Svensson took a full history, Barbara has provided us with all her records, photos etc. The slave has had a few infections in different areas over the years, but nothing that was not easily treatable with antibiotics. The slave and I had consented in advance to be open to the doctor about our lifestyle, in case he should get injured through bondage. Again, I think we could have knocked the doctor over with a feather. It was definitely the right decision to take THIS appointment. Dr Svensson asked to have some time in private with the slave, which I was happy to give him, but the slave said he had nothing to hide from me. I insisted he had some time alone with the doctor. In the end they were in the consulting room for 20 minutes, the slave told me he spoke with the doctor about Robert and how difficult it was to leave him. I am so glad he felt able to open up to Dr Svensson. We were there for nearly an hour. We went straight to the house and just crashed after a light dinner.

This afternoon we are going to an open day at a Buddhist Centre on Soedermalm, his friend Sabine is a Buddhist monk there.

Sunday, 13^th September

We went out for brunch and now the slave is in his sleep sack being tormented by an electric plug up his ass and electrodes on his cock, controlled by a programme. I plan to thoroughly fuck him later. I have brought my laptop into the playroom, I just love to hear him whimper and moan. I might even add some electricity to his tits. Earlobes are fun too, but they have to wait for another time.

The visit to the Bhuddist centre was very interesting, they have a vegetarian cafe, a wonderful garden and of course mediation rooms etc. I can understand why the slave has become friends with Sabine, in some ways they are very similar. Only he does his meditating bound in leather and rope.

She had some time to show us around and chat with us. When she had to leave us for a while, the slave asked me if it was ok if he told her about our relationship. I gave him permission to do so. Later we had tea with her, and he told her then. She was non-plussed and just responded, if that rocks our boat, she has no problem with it. I suspect that she has had some traumatic experiences in her life.

Next week I am doing early shifts, we will stay at the house all week. It is nice to be here when I have the evenings off, and we will probably make good use of the equipment.

Tuesday, 15^th September

I have had an e-mail from Barbara, they want to shut down the website and make the movies unavailable. They wanted the boy's approval. I think he was quite happy about it. As he will no longer receive royalties, she is wondering if they should close the account and send the money held over. We said we will think about, I want to get some advice from my accountant. For the boy it would be another tie to Canada cut, it is all becoming too much for him. He still does not open up to me.

Thursday, 17^th September

I met with Ingrid today after work, I told the boy I would go to the gym, I am going to tell him the truth over dinner. They went to the art gallery yesterday, and then to a modern exhibition. Paintings bore me to death. I am glad he has someone he can share that interest with. I told Ingrid how affectionate and willing the boy is with me, we enjoy our sex life, and get along great in general, but he still shuts me out emotionally. I know it has effectively only been 3 months, and he has come very far, he seems to cope with the move and adjust to live in Sweden quite enthusiastically. But sometimes he gets so quiet and then there is this sadness in his eyes. To be honest I am a bit concerned about his mental well-being. Ingrid is a qualified psychologist, but has not practised in years, instead she teaches Swedish. She was glad that I came to her, but insisted that I speak to Ben. She said to me: Tell him exactly what you just said to me. But do not force him. Let him know your concerns and that you will be there for him when the time comes. She mentioned she knows I offered to postpone the marriage ceremony (for some reason I do not to like to call it a wedding, a wedding is for hetero couples), and assured me I did the right thing by doing that. I was a bit hurt, obviously the boy talked to her about and it seems he was glad about it, but he has not expressed it to me. Am I putting him under too much pressure? Should I have held back enforcing my authority?

Honestly, before he arrived, my plan had been to be a severe Master, not get emotionally involved, I could say, to break him down. That went out of the window the first day we were in my flat, when I took him to bed. I have so utterly fallen in love with him, I want to protect him, I want to own him.

As he said the other day, he is still in love with other people, people he shared his life with for 9 important and formative years. He cannot shut himself off to them, it takes time. I will have to wait for him to make room in his heart for me.

Friday, 18^th September

After dinner yesterday I confessed I had seen Ingrid and what we had talked about. He was disappointed that I lied about the meeting. I promised him that I regretted to have lied to him and would not lie about something like that again. He thanked me for being so open about my concerns for him. He realises it must be very hard for me, he knows how much I care. Suddenly he asked to be excused and he went to his room. I did not know what to do with myself, one half wanted to go after him and hug him, the other half said leave him be for a while. In the end I took myself off for a walk. When I came back the boy had prepared the balcony with some lights and made a pot of tea. I do not use the balcony really, as I am slightly scared of heights, and we are in the top apartment. He had even found some wood for the kamin. When I stepped out onto the balcony, the boy said he had chosen this space as it is a neutral zone. He proceeded to tell me about his life, right from the beginning to how he ended up with Barbara and Robert. He hinted at how their relationship started, but I could see it was painful for him to talk about. We had to move into the living room, it got too cold outside. We ended up falling asleep on the living room floor, under my duvet. We even overslept and I was late for work. Luckily we were at the apartment, we had decided to come back there for the night, as the boy is busy in town on Friday mornings. I am quite tired today, luckily it is an office day today for me, unless we get a lot of emergency ops. They do work us hard, with the different shifts and on-call. Maybe it is time to move to a different hospital, which does not have an emergency department, then I would work more or less office hours.

Sunday, 20^th September

I am at work, I am on-call. Hopefully it will stay q..., we do not say that word, it is a curse. I tidied my desk and just found some details of a conference I agreed to attend before I knew Ben would come. I mostly call him the boy, so to type his name is – I do not want to say strange, but I cannot think of a different word for it now. It is in 2 weeks time in London. I have added 2 days holiday to stay afterwards, as I used to live in London aged 9 to 11. The conference starts on Monday, 5^th October, and I have a flight booked on Sunday evening, returning Saturday morning. I do not want to leave the slave alone for that long time, and I would love to show him “my” London. Maybe I should check with someone that he is ok to travel, visas etc. Otherwise I might cancel my extra days.

Wednesday, 23^rd September

The boy is excited about going to London with me. As far as I could find out, he should have no problems to travel. The conference is in Oxford, the boy has been to London with Barbara, so we decided he will fly out Wednesday, and we will meet in London at my hotel. The conference will finish early afternoon, so I can travel to London in good time. I managed to get him booked onto my flight Saturday morning. Per and Lasse will travel with him to London, and then they will do their own initiatory. They will stay on a few days longer. I am paying for their flights and hotel. They have been such a help, they deserve a treat.

Friday, 25^th September

The boy surprised me today, he and Ingrid had been on one of their outings yesterday afternoon, and he mentioned to me today they had been to Stallemastergarden. This is a very old inn, by the lake, a 5star hotel. He said it would be a nice venue to have the marriage. He was disturbingly quiet again last night, I reckon he was dealing with this matter. I know the hotel well, it is very close to the university hospital where I did my training. He has picked a very nice venue. We have had a “normal” week, the boy looks a bit better to me since we had that talk.

Just a short update

Thursday, 27^th August

Hospitals are a hot bed for gossip. I have worked here for 6 years now, and due to me being an anaesthetist, I know a lot of staff. It is common knowledge that I am gay, and I have been single for 3 years. I told quite a few colleagues that I would have a long term visitor, and I have had comments, accompanied by a big grin, that I have been in an unusual good mood lately. That Ben was here in the hospital on Monday spread like wildfire. I had to finalise some details about his insurance with the administrator in A&E, and some of the nurses said what a nice guy he is, how lucky I am and they thought he is very good looking, even with a swollen eye. I was a bit annoyed to be the topic of gossip, but then it was nice to hear he made a good impression. And at least it is positive gossip. I just had my weekly chat with Barbara ( appropriating hospital resources for private use, tsts). She looked tired, she has managed to get time off to care for Robert. The disease is progressing aggressively, and he has planned to end his life at a time when he chooses. He wanted to see the slave happily settled with a new master, so it was all decided within weeks. She was glad to hear we have received the certificate, and wanted to know our plans. We have not talked about it, I have to bring it up at an appropriate moment.

I have to write this tonight otherwise I will not be able to sleep. I am so worried about the boy. Over dinner I brought up the marriage ceremony. We have a rule that we have free conversation at dinner, it means the boy should not consider his position and speak his mind. He assures me his happy here, but this is an issue he now finds difficult to think about. It is all happening a bit too fast. I asked him why he did not object when we applied for the certificate, asked me to delay it, and he said that at that time he did not feel confident to object, I seemed so excited about it. He said he still thinks a lot about his other family he had to leave behind and how much he loves them. How much it hurts him that he cannot be with his old Master, whom he has been with for 9 years; to be with him in his final months. He almost begged me to understand that he is very grateful to me for taking him in, showing him so much love, being a good Master, he wants to be with me, but he needs a bit more time to sort his head and his heart. He was crying, he did not want to disappoint me. I answered he does not disappoint me, I understand his feelings and that I am the one who is grateful that I have been chosen to look after him since Robert cannot. I assured him that we can always re-apply for a certificate. He dropped to his knees in front of me, but I immediately pulled him up and embraced him. I gave him a kiss and he responded. Most of the time we have only kissed during sex, this was an emotional kiss. I gave him another hug, he relaxed in my arms. I told him to wash his face, and started clearing the dinner table.

Thursday is a TV show on we like to watch, but the slave said he had a headache and asked if he can be excused. After the program was finished, I checked on him, he was still awake. He said his mind could not settle. To be honest, I had been unable to concentrate onto the TV show either. He asked me if I would fuck him. Of course I wanted to fuck him, he makes me so horny I could fuck him all the time! I insisted we use my bed. In my time as slave, being invited to the Master's bed was rare, and an absolute privilege. He knows that, and this was only the second time he has shared a bed with me. I took it slowly, I fucked his vagina, I love fucking his vagina. He gave himself to me totally. He is now asleep in my bed. He looks so vulnerable. I am worried how he will react when I tell him about Robert. He said he did not want to know what is happening in Canada, but I have to prepare him for Robert's death soon.

Sunday, 30^th August

I had to work all weekend, it has been very tough. I was the doctor during 2 emergency operations which the patients did not survive, and it was my turn to inform the families. I have made an appointment with our in-house counsellor to discuss my own family situation. Seeing the pain and shock in these families was difficult, how can I handle it when I eventually have to tell my beloved boy?

We spent a few hours at the house in the playroom, I prefer that room. I am afraid I caused him some pain. It is very rare for me to cause pain, I have never whipped anyone or used any other devices designed to cause pain. He took it well, he knew I had a bad time at work and this is my release. His eye has healed nicely, one can hardly see any bruising. On Saturday I allowed him to go to a yoga retreat, a few people from his class met at the gym and then went to Sodertalje for a few hours extensive yoga. He has started to become quite friendly with one woman, Sabine. I have met her briefly at the gym and approve.

The boy has been quiet since Thursday night, but then we actually have not had much time together. At some point during the night I woke up, something had disturbed me. The boy had moved to his cell. In Canada the 2 slaves had cells next to each other, I guess he must miss the company. Next week is slave and Master night again, I will encourage him to socialise with another slave.

Tuesday, 1^st September

We are at the house, I have 3 days off. This morning the boy went to his tutor, then we met at the gym, he went to his yoga class, I did a work out. We had lunch together at home, I like to have lunch with him, then I can be sure he eats a proper meal. He should eat solid food once a day to keep his stomach and guts used to it.

The boy and Ingrid, his tutor, have become friends. She is actually a friend of my Master, and “knows”. She has been in the scene herself, but only recreational. She phoned me once to complain I had treated the boy too harshly. I must admit, we had gotten a bit carried away.

It was a lovely evening and we went for a walk and ended up at the pub where we had been when the boy asked me to be his Master and then offended me. It is the first time that we have been back there. I do not know if it was significant to the boy, but it means something to me. He said he had been thinking a lot the last few days. He has spoken to Ingrid about Thursday evening this morning and it has helped him to sort his head. He is not ready yet to set a date, but he would like to talk about details of the ceremony. He wanted to know what the procedure is now, where one can get married, who officiates, do we need witnesses, things like that. He asked me what my expectations are, if I see it as a formality or do I want to make it a party with friends and family? I told him I have not seriously thought about it, and we should figure it out between us how to proceed. I definitely want him to be equally involved. Of course for him it will be his 2^nd marriage ceremony. I am afraid sometimes I assume the marriage was a formality for him, but it probably was more, I know he is very close to slave no1.

Wednesday, 2^nd September

After the hassle at the hospital because of the boy's insurance, I have decided to take out private health insurance for him here in Sweden. The year long travel insurance policy only covers him for certain medical issues, of course they had to disclose his chronic “illness” (If it comes up, he tells people the stoma is due to Crohns disease, which he has not got, but people are satisfied, and it explains his funny eating habits.), and any treatment for that will be covered. As he is not working, he is not covered by state health cover, and he will only be entitled to it as my spouse once he has his permanent residency. I have made an appointment for us to see his general doctor, so they can get to know each other and the doctor is aware of his special situation. I specifically asked for the last appointment on a Friday, so we won't be rushed and the doctor does not get much chance to gossip to his staff or colleagues. Of course a doctor is under confidentiality, but we still gossip, about patients, not using names of course.

It was a beautiful day today, not too warm and we went on a boat ride on the lake to Drottningholm. I think I last was there during a school trip. The boy is very interested in culture, he told me today he has a degree in European history! There are so many things I do not know about him! When we go out we do not hold hands or show much affection, it is not because we are Master/slave, and not because I am afraid of homophobia, we just are both not keen on attracting attention. They boy had asked me how I expected him to behave towards me in public. To me he comes across as very confident in himself, with this life he has chosen. Although he certainly does not broadcast his status; with me and other people who we confide in, he is very open and actively encourages them to treat him like a slave. When I met him in Canada, the first time it was at a Master/slave convention, and of course he was with his family. They were an unusual set up at the convention, and through their internet presence well known. Barbara and Robert did allow me to have sex with him, we had a drink before, and chatted a bit, but I guess to him I was another “client”. Earlier this year they invited me to stay and I saw him in his home environment, and I was impressed by him. We did spend some one on one time together, Barbara and Robert very much encouraged it. Now I know it was because they were already planning the future for us. I have told him quite a bit about my past and what makes me tick, he has not been very forward with details about his past, only if I ask a specific question, and then I often get a short answer. I do not know if it is his personality, if he does not trust me in that way yet or if he does not want to open up, if it is still too painful to talk about his natural and kink family. I know from Barbara that he has tried to keep in contact with his family, but they have cut him off. His family is Roman Catholic and very conservative. He has 2 older brothers, 8 and 9 years older. He had a younger sister, whom he was very close to, but she died 4 years ago. She had joined a commune, and died during child birth, as they believed in “natural” birth. He only found out weeks after, when her friends sorted through her stuff and found some letters from him. His parents had been informed and buried her without contacting him, they have always had his address. He told me this when he unpacked his crate and showed me her photo. We had copies made of all his photos, this way he has a set at each house.

We are establishing a routine

Friday, 10^th July

So it is official. The slave will stay with me. I left him tied up until it was time to go back to the flat, only removing his gag from time to time to give him some drink. I had a night shift followed by a day shift, so the slave was left alone at the flat all night and day. He had a double language lesson, which I managed to arrange yesterday, as he was indisposed on Thursday. I instructed him to make a cake. He has never baked here before, I have no idea if he can bake. I have arranged to meet him at the gym after my shift. I skyped Barbara from the hospital, she was very happy with the news. I also spoke to Robert, this was the first time I had seen him since his diagnosis. I was shocked by what I saw. This was a man, although not physically impressive, who could walk into a bar brawl and just by his calm presence made everyone stop and return to their beers. I did not tell them about the slaves disobedience to me, it would have disappointed them. This was an issue between him and me. I told them how the slave had asked for my permission to be my slave, and that made Robert very happy, he had trained him well. We talked about the divorce procedure, how to get the slave registered to me as his Master, and the logistics of shipping his stuff. This had all been discussed before, but now it was for real.

Sunday, 12^th July

The boy excelled with the cake, as I said before, he applies himself 100% to a new task. After the gym we went home to have a shower, but before then the boy gave me pleasure. It seems he wanted to make it up to me.

In the evening we went to the club, it was Master and slave night. I do not know any Master/slave that I am friends with, except Per and Lasse, but they are not a couple we could hang out with. It was nice to introduce Ben as my slave. On these evenings often slaves get a chance to talk to other slaves in private, but on this occasion I kept Ben close to me, I know he is not very confident talking to strangers. We did not stay very long, but as owner of the club I feel obliged to turn up. A lot of couples travel from the country for these evenings and stay all weekend. The apartment is let at a discount for these weekends.

Saturday I had a day off and we used a friends holiday house in the archipelago.

This morning was hectic as I suddenly remembered I have the builders booked in at the house next week. They are installing solar panels. The slave will stay at the house, I have long shifts as a colleague is on holiday, but I do not mind travelling 40 minutes instead of 10 minutes walk, as I have the slave to prepare my meals and help me relax. So we packed some stuff, any perishable food, and locked up the flat. I think the slave prefers the house as well, at least in the summer it is nicer than the flat.

Saturday, 18^th July

We had notice that the divorce in Canada is through! The paperwork was completed before the slave left, they just needed to fill in the dates. The families solicitor had proxy right to sign any paperwork on the slaves behalf, and the rather conservative district judge had no problem granting a divorce. The slave has to sign a document himself and get it witnessed by a notary, but that is just a formality. This means we can apply for a marriage license here. The slave had mixed feelings about the news, despite the marriage only being a formality, it makes the finality of his decision to move to Sweden even more real.

We had a difficult time with the builders, one of them made life for the slave very hard. He kept talking badly about him to his colleagues in Swedish. The slave did not understand all the words, but he grasped the tone. The colleagues were not happy either, they kept telling him to shut up. The electrician, not my boy. On the Thursday, the slave came back from his language lesson and yoga, they had discovered the playroom. We had used it the evening before and the slave had forgotten to lock it after he cleaned it in the morning, before rushing off, as of course he has a longer journey as well. The electrician was alone at the house, his colleague had gone to get a part. The guy suddenly spoke very good English and made advances to the slave. He had been taught self defence, but he was so shocked, he forgot all about it. Luckily the colleague arrived, along with Per and Lasse, who we had invited for drinks. Per is a slight man, but he is a sadist, and can be very scary. Luckily the colleague managed to drag the offender off before Per could do too much damage. I was stuck in surgery and really not happy when I came home 3 hours later than planned and found my boy still shaking. Per and Lasse stayed the night, as I had to go to work early on Friday, so they could supervise the builders. Only the nice guy turned up, along with the manager. The manager assured us the offending person had been dismissed. They finished the work quickly and Per and Lasse wanted to take my boy to the sauna, which he is not allowed. He opted to go the gym instead, and then went back to the flat, where I picked him up and we travelled to the house together. After dinner we spent some time in the playroom, and extended it to the living room as well, where the attack happened. I wanted to implant some positive memories in him. I was really too tired for a long session, but I knew I had to impose my influence as soon as possible.

Tuesday, 21^st July

Finally a day off and we spent it dealing with bureaucracy. I thought the process would be easier.

To be honest, I should have looked into it before we started this whole procedure, but then getting the slave a new home was a matter of urgency. The boy's legal status is quite complicated as he has still US citizenship, but had a permanent right to stay in Canada due his marriage. He has to apply for residency here in Sweden, but apparently he has to do that at the Swedish embassy in his country of last residence, in person. We can get married anyway, but the Swedish tax authority needs to do some investigations into his and my finances. I have to prove that I can support him financially, which is no problem. Luckily Robert and Barbara had set up a company, through which they paid slave no1 and Ben a salary, health insurance and a pension, but the salary went back to them. This way there are financial records for the authority to look into. Ben still receives royalties from his movies into that account.

At the tax office we were baffled how complicated it is. We were advised to get an immigration lawyer to help us. I just do not understand why he needs to apply for residency at the embassy in Canada, in person. I do not want to be racist, but we are obviously not trying to do some immigration scam, like people from a poorer country might do. This system has clearly been designed to put them off. We were still able to apply for a marriage certificate, which should take about 4 weeks to come through, and then we have 4 months to get the marriage officiated.

Friday, 31^st July

A colleague had to cancel her holiday due to illness in the family, so we have swapped date. Usually

my colleagues with children take time off during school holidays, and I take it in term time. We will spend 2 weeks with my aunt at her farm in Dalarna. Per and Lasse will look after the properties.

We have consulted an immigration lawyer, who advised us to get married and sort everything else later. Apparently once we are married the residency is a formality. Ben can stay in Sweden for up to 12 months before he needs residency, as I support him. When we first talked about me taking the boy, I thought the marriage would mean signing some forms at a government office, now I would like to make it a bit more special.

Saturday, 1^st August

We went to pick up the hire car and we thought it might be better to get the boy as additional driver. More bureaucracy! His driving license is Canadian, and they need the passport, which is US. So we forgot about that, I am stuck doing all the driving. I had a shift today, I asked the boy to pack. I told him to pack some gear of his choice. It will be interesting to see what he picked. I limited it to 9 items. My aunt knows all about our lifestyle, I consulted here when I was first told about the boy's situation, and she is eager to meet him. I cannot believe it is just over 8 weeks that he came here, we have established a good relationship, and I do not want to miss him. I think he still gets homesick sometimes, usually I take him to the playroom when I notice he is getting down.

Well, I better get some sleep, we have a long drive ahead of us.

Monday, 3^rd August

The drive to Dalarna was long, but easy. The boy enjoyed seeing the country side. He has lived in small towns, so living in Stockholm has been a bit of a culture shock to him. I sent him to order food or to pay for petrol so he can practise his Swedish. In the country people do not automatically switch to English. He was very shy to meet my aunt, she had put on a feast for us, forgetting that the boy does not eat much. If he eats properly, than usually breakfast or lunch, that makes it easier to time when he needs the bathroom.

We are staying in a cottage that she usually lets out to holiday makers, but as she had some health issues earlier in the year, she did not want the hassle and cancelled all bookings. There is a small old storage room, which is half a cellar, accessed from the kitchen. We put a mattress in there and the slave should be quite comfortable. Luckily he packed the mixer, so we can prepare his shakes. With the equipment, the tubs of powder and his medical stuff, he had more luggage than me! My aunt runs a dairy farm, together with her son, my cousin, and his wife. She is the younger sister of my father. She was friends with my mother and that is how my parents met. My mother died in a car accident when I was 8 years old. I lived with my aunt for a year, as my father did not cope, and then my father and I moved to London, he had taken a job there. I used to come here every year for the summer holidays. My cousin is like a brother to me. He has 2 small children, Kerstin is 5 and Olav is 3. Ben can certainly get lots of language practise in.

Sunday, 9^th August

We have had sunshine and heat for the first week. The kids and Ben are delightful. They understand each other without talking much. Of course they asked questions, about his collar, his stoma and the belt. Explaining the belt was tricky. We were all sitting in the sunshine after coffee and cake, and we had been swimming earlier. We did not even think about removing the belt, he is so used to it, it is totally natural to him. It was a spur of the moment decision to go swimming, we did not even take towels, we all swam naked and dried off in the sun. So, later Kerstin asked what that funny metal thing was on Ben's “boys bits”. Everyone looked expectantly at me, and Ben of course had not understood the question. He enquired what she had asked, and my aunt translated. Ben just laughed and said to me: Well, explain? I could NOT think of an answer. Before we arrived they had been told that we were a couple, like mummy and daddy. They accepted that, at that age kids have no prejudice. They had also been told not to disturb us in the house, but always knock and wait for us to answer the door, they are used to have access all areas. Eventually Ben said: tell her in my country it is symbol of my love for you, like a wedding ring. I translated it for Kerstin and she was happy with that answer.

Thursday, 13^th August

Tomorrow we are driving home. It has been raining the last 2 days and the forecast is for more rain.

We had a message that a crate from Canada has arrived at the house today. That was quick! It got shipped in a container, we were lucky to get a space so quickly. The boy is looking forward to unpacking. We managed to get some private time, out in the forest, in the barn. One can do a lot with rope. Yesterday I had him tied to some ancient farm machinery, which meant he had to twist his limbs a bit. I kept changing his position, after 6 hours my hunger made us stop. The kids were away all day, there was no chance to be discovered by them.

Friday, 14^th August

The slave is happily asleep in his cage. He requested to sleep in it tonight. The crate is calling him from the garage, but he is not allowed to open it until he has unpacked, washed and ironed our clothes, straightened the houses etc. It will be at least four days before he is allowed near it. I know one item he is specially looking for is his custom made sleep sack. I am going to remove it and give it to him in a few weeks.

He is a good companion when driving. Robert used to be a long distance truck driver, and the first year the slave lived with him he accompanied Robert. He would be “hired out” to other drivers, that is how he developed his skills in giving blow jobs.

Sunday, 16^th August

Back to work tomorrow. We went food shopping Friday evening on our return, to have the weekend free to use the playroom. Then the slave was not well on Saturday. He had diarrhoea and was feverish. He had a stomach upset, as he could not even keep liquids down. I had to give him an IV, he was so weak. Sunday he felt better, and in the afternoon he insisted we had some time in the playroom.

Wednesday, 19^th August

The slave was allowed to open the crate last evening. He methodically sorted it, it is mainly clothes, a few photos and memorabilia, which he has permission to display on his shelves, and some custom made bondage gear. He was very disappointed when he could not find the sleep sack, actually he got quite upset and thought they had forgotten to pack it. I had to intervene and bring him to reason. The next few days he will be busy cleaning everything, polishing the leather and integrating the items in our playrooms, deciding what he keeps where. He is so lucky to have 2 playrooms! And I am looking forward to trying the new gear! Unfortunately I have some night shifts coming up, so there won't be much time for play.

Sunday, 23^rd August

We have been staying at the flat, the slave has resumed his routine of lessons and gym. I have been on nights, usually I manage to get some sleep at the hospital, but we have a heatwave again and that means everyone goes crazy. How did I manage without the slave? He prepares me some delicious, nutritious meals and organises the household, he can read my mind what I need in normal life, running me a bath when I just thought about having one, for example. But when he submits, he lets go and totally trusts me to take control of his body, and to some extent his mind.

Sometimes I find the future daunting, like the other day when we had that incident at the house. I have taken responsibility for him, he lives in a strange country, all his adult life things have been decided for him. Of course he is not dumb, he knows his own mind and has opinions about politics etc. But like he said, if it does not work between us, where will he go? His health issues as well, although he is very clued up about it and probably knows better than me how to look after himself, it is an additional responsibility for me. He is cooking a late lunch/early dinner at the moment as I have my last night shift tonight. He will spend the evening, maybe all night, with Per and Lasse. He has felt a bit lonely this week, being himself in the evening and in the mornings I catch up on sleep. Per has permission to use him, within boundaries, which include No sex. At the moment we are exclusive. He is still anxious about the separation from his family in Canada, and psychologically fragile. He knows I am in weekly contact with his old Mistress, but decided he does not want to hear about them.

Monday, 24^th August

Talking about the xtra responsibility!

The slave was cleaning the Dungeon apartment today when he hit his head, not being familiar with the space, on some equipment. He hit it close to the left eye, and it swelled up quickly. He knew he needed some help, and luckily bumped into Per and Lasse on the stairs. Per used to be a nurse, so he took one look and decided a trip to A&E was required. They phoned me from the hospital, as there was a problem with the insurance. I was annoyed that they did not fetch me immediately, but also thankful for letting me sleep a bit longer. They had a bit of hassle at the hospital as they needed to do a CT scan and wanted the slave to remove his “necklace”. It took Per and Ben some time to convince them it was not removable and does not prevent him from having a CT. Luckily the swelling was on the outside, the pressure on the eyeball was fine and there was only minor bleeding. He had a headache and felt a bit dizzy.

He is now in his cell, resting. I just had a message the marriage certificate is approved, we can go to the tax office and pick it up. We have to fetch it personally, as we need to sign for it.

Tuesday, 25^th August

The boy feels much better today, the swelling has gone down and it is bruised, and the eye bloodshot. He can see ok. He was quite unwell yesterday, he is not a good patient. He actually likes to be physically active, and he is almost a different person when he is in bondage. I think that is, among other things, what I like about him.

He decided to go his language lesson. I made him promise me to phone me if he feels ill. Yoga is out of the question this week, he is allowed to do some simple exercises at home, under my supervision. I went to the gym, I needed to release. We met afterwards and went to pick up the certificate. I think the clerk thought I had hit the boy, with his big shiner. He was a bit hesitant to hand us the paper. We had lunch (they boy did not have much appetite, he was getting a headache), then we went to the house by taxi. The boy asked for permission to rest in his cell. It is quiet in there and dark.

Wednesday, 26^th August

I am so used to the slaves company by now, I missed him yesterday. I had to remind him several times to drink, and in the evening he drank his shake. He felt slightly better in the evening and we had a bath together. That tired him out again. I had got the sleepsack ready, I thought he deserved it. I blindfolded him and steered him into the playroom, where it was ready on the bench. He was so happy to see it, he gave me a long hug. He did not dare to ask if he could use it right away. I said: Well, get in then. I took my time to strap him in, we both savoured it.

He slept in it. I quite easily wake up to certain noises, and had he gotten into difficulties, I can be there quickly. This morning I knew he would be desperate to empty his bladder, so I sorted that with a bottle and then gave him a real slow handjob, after adding a gag and a hood. I had a lot of fun, but I also envied him. Afterwards we both needed a shower. We went out for breakfast. The boy savours his food, it is almost erotic to watch him eat. His illness allows him to eat normal, but he experienced some problems, and after some trial and error they found a system that suited him. Of course, there is an element of control in this system.

We spent the rest of the day at the house, me gardening, the slave polished his sleepsack. Sadly I do not fit into it, as I am slightly taller and more muscular. We are going back to the flat tonight, as I am working tomorrow morning.