Thursday, 27th August
Hospitals are a hot bed for gossip.
I have worked here for 6 years now, and due to me being an
anaesthetist, I know a lot of staff. It is common knowledge that I am
gay, and I have been single for 3 years. I told quite a few
colleagues that I would have a long term visitor, and I have had
comments, accompanied by a big grin, that I have been in an unusual
good mood lately. That Ben was here in the hospital on Monday spread
like wildfire. I had to finalise some details about his insurance
with the administrator in A&E, and some of the nurses said what a
nice guy he is, how lucky I am and they thought he is very good
looking, even with a swollen eye. I was a bit annoyed to be the topic
of gossip, but then it was nice to hear he made a good impression.
And at least it is positive gossip. I just had my weekly chat with
Barbara ( appropriating hospital resources for private use, tsts).
She looked tired, she has managed to get time off to care for Robert.
The disease is progressing aggressively, and he has planned to end
his life at a time when he chooses. He wanted to see the slave
happily settled with a new master, so it was all decided within
weeks. She was glad to hear we have received the certificate, and
wanted to know our plans. We have not talked about it, I have to
bring it up at an appropriate moment.
I have to write this tonight
otherwise I will not be able to sleep. I am so worried about the boy.
Over dinner I brought up the marriage ceremony. We have a rule that
we have free conversation at dinner, it means the boy should not
consider his position and speak his mind. He assures me his happy
here, but this is an issue he now finds difficult to think about. It
is all happening a bit too fast. I asked him why he did not object
when we applied for the certificate, asked me to delay it, and he
said that at that time he did not feel confident to object, I seemed
so excited about it. He said he still thinks a lot about his other
family he had to leave behind and how much he loves them. How much it
hurts him that he cannot be with his old Master, whom he has been
with for 9 years; to be with him in his final months. He almost
begged me to understand that he is very grateful to me for taking him
in, showing him so much love, being a good Master, he wants to be
with me, but he needs a bit more time to sort his head and his heart.
He was crying, he did not want to disappoint me. I answered he does
not disappoint me, I understand his feelings and that I am the one
who is grateful that I have been chosen to look after him since
Robert cannot. I assured him that we can always re-apply for a
certificate. He dropped to his knees in front of me, but I
immediately pulled him up and embraced him. I gave him a kiss and he
responded. Most of the time we have only kissed during sex, this was
an emotional kiss. I gave him another hug, he relaxed in my arms. I
told him to wash his face, and started clearing the dinner table.
Thursday is a TV show on we like to
watch, but the slave said he had a headache and asked if he can be
excused. After the program was finished, I checked on him, he was
still awake. He said his mind could not settle. To be honest, I had
been unable to concentrate onto the TV show either. He asked me if I
would fuck him. Of course I wanted to fuck him, he makes me so horny
I could fuck him all the time! I insisted we use my bed. In my time
as slave, being invited to the Master's bed was rare, and an absolute
privilege. He knows that, and this was only the second time he has
shared a bed with me. I took it slowly, I fucked his vagina, I love
fucking his vagina. He gave himself to me totally. He is now asleep
in my bed. He looks so vulnerable. I am worried how he will react
when I tell him about Robert. He said he did not want to know what is
happening in Canada, but I have to prepare him for Robert's death
soon.
Sunday, 30th August
I had to work all weekend, it has
been very tough. I was the doctor during 2 emergency operations which
the patients did not survive, and it was my turn to inform the
families. I have made an appointment with our in-house counsellor to
discuss my own family situation. Seeing the pain and shock in these
families was difficult, how can I handle it when I eventually have to
tell my beloved boy?
We spent a few hours at the house
in the playroom, I prefer that room. I am afraid I caused him some
pain. It is very rare for me to cause pain, I have never whipped
anyone or used any other devices designed to cause pain. He took it
well, he knew I had a bad time at work and this is my release. His
eye has healed nicely, one can hardly see any bruising. On Saturday I
allowed him to go to a yoga retreat, a few people from his class met
at the gym and then went to Sodertalje for a few hours extensive
yoga. He has started to become quite friendly with one woman, Sabine.
I have met her briefly at the gym and approve.
The boy has been quiet since
Thursday night, but then we actually have not had much time together.
At some point during the night I woke up, something had disturbed me.
The boy had moved to his cell. In Canada the 2 slaves had cells next
to each other, I guess he must miss the company. Next week is slave
and Master night again, I will encourage him to socialise with
another slave.
Tuesday, 1st September
We are at the house, I have 3 days
off. This morning the boy went to his tutor, then we met at the gym,
he went to his yoga class, I did a work out. We had lunch together at
home, I like to have lunch with him, then I can be sure he eats a
proper meal. He should eat solid food once a day to keep his stomach
and guts used to it.
The boy and Ingrid, his tutor, have
become friends. She is actually a friend of my Master, and “knows”.
She has been in the scene herself, but only recreational. She phoned
me once to complain I had treated the boy too harshly. I must admit,
we had gotten a bit carried away.
It was a lovely evening and we went
for a walk and ended up at the pub where we had been when the boy
asked me to be his Master and then offended me. It is the first time
that we have been back there. I do not know if it was significant to
the boy, but it means something to me. He said he had been thinking a
lot the last few days. He has spoken to Ingrid about Thursday evening
this morning and it has helped him to sort his head. He is not ready
yet to set a date, but he would like to talk about details of the
ceremony. He wanted to know what the procedure is now, where one can
get married, who officiates, do we need witnesses, things like that.
He asked me what my expectations are, if I see it as a formality or
do I want to make it a party with friends and family? I told him I
have not seriously thought about it, and we should figure it out
between us how to proceed. I definitely want him to be equally
involved. Of course for him it will be his 2nd marriage
ceremony. I am afraid sometimes I assume the marriage was a formality
for him, but it probably was more, I know he is very close to slave
no1.
Wednesday, 2nd September
After the hassle at the hospital
because of the boy's insurance, I have decided to take out private
health insurance for him here in Sweden. The year long travel
insurance policy only covers him for certain medical issues, of
course they had to disclose his chronic “illness” (If it comes
up, he tells people the stoma is due to Crohns disease, which he has
not got, but people are satisfied, and it explains his funny eating
habits.), and any treatment for that will be covered. As he is not
working, he is not covered by state health cover, and he will only be
entitled to it as my spouse once he has his permanent residency. I
have made an appointment for us to see his general doctor, so they
can get to know each other and the doctor is aware of his special
situation. I specifically asked for the last appointment on a Friday,
so we won't be rushed and the doctor does not get much chance to
gossip to his staff or colleagues. Of course a doctor is under
confidentiality, but we still gossip, about patients, not using names
of course.
It was a beautiful day today, not
too warm and we went on a boat ride on the lake to Drottningholm. I
think I last was there during a school trip. The boy is very
interested in culture, he told me today he has a degree in European
history! There are so many things I do not know about him! When we go
out we do not hold hands or show much affection, it is not because we
are Master/slave, and not because I am afraid of homophobia, we just
are both not keen on attracting attention. They boy had asked me how
I expected him to behave towards me in public. To me he comes across
as very confident in himself, with this life he has chosen. Although
he certainly does not broadcast his status; with me and other people
who we confide in, he is very open and actively encourages them to
treat him like a slave. When I met him in Canada, the first time it
was at a Master/slave convention, and of course he was with his
family. They were an unusual set up at the convention, and through
their internet presence well known. Barbara and Robert did allow me
to have sex with him, we had a drink before, and chatted a bit, but I
guess to him I was another “client”. Earlier this year they
invited me to stay and I saw him in his home environment, and I was
impressed by him. We did spend some one on one time together, Barbara
and Robert very much encouraged it. Now I know it was because they
were already planning the future for us. I have told him quite a bit
about my past and what makes me tick, he has not been very forward
with details about his past, only if I ask a specific question, and
then I often get a short answer. I do not know if it is his
personality, if he does not trust me in that way yet or if he does
not want to open up, if it is still too painful to talk about his
natural and kink family. I know from Barbara that he has tried to
keep in contact with his family, but they have cut him off. His
family is Roman Catholic and very conservative. He has 2 older
brothers, 8 and 9 years older. He had a younger sister, whom he was
very close to, but she died 4 years ago. She had joined a commune,
and died during child birth, as they believed in “natural” birth.
He only found out weeks after, when her friends sorted through her
stuff and found some letters from him. His parents had been informed
and buried her without contacting him, they have always had his
address. He told me this when he unpacked his crate and showed me her
photo. We had copies made of all his photos, this way he has a set at
each house.
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