September

Friday, 4^th September

Just a quick entry before I have to start a late shift, followed by on-call over night. A colleague had to swap shifts, so we cannot make it to the Master/slave night today. The weather had turned yesterday, and after his tutorial, yoga class for him and gym for me, we had a light lunch and then an intensive session in the playroom. My Master had some fantastic bondage furniture built for this playroom. The slave has so much enthusiasm. I left him swinging while I prepared dinner. After the session he did not feel like eating very much, I insisted he finished his food, even if it took him ages.

Then we sat down to watch our TV show, he was sitting on a meditation stool, in a straitjacket, with his ankles secured to the buckles at the back, both holes plugged. He had to balance himself, and this put pressure on his plugs. He went to bed very frustrated. I wanted to keep him in the straitjacket, but he had to deal with his absolutions after eating a proper dinner.

I only saw him briefly this morning, he has tutorial, gym, yoga. By the time he is home, I will have gone to work. He is having lunch with his friend Sabine.

Saturday, 12^th September

Finally off! I have been on late shifts all week, so we have not had much time together. I woke him up one evening when I came home to fuck him, I needed to release and I missed his body. Luckily Ingrid is flexible with her time for lessons, so we can arrange them around my shifts. The same for the gym, the boy arranges his sessions around my shifts, but he likes to go to the same yoga classes.

We only managed one session, as we also had to go the house. I am considering if 2 houses are too much. How did I manage to look after them without the help of the slave?

Yesterday evening we went to see his doctor. He is practising from the same premises as my doctor, but I thought it would be better to have a different one. My doctor is nearing retirement anyway, so I choose a younger partner. Although the boy's Swedish is already very good, the doctors ability to speak English was another factor. I let the boy do most of the talking, he had no qualms at all talking about his condition, showing the doctor his vagina. Dr Svensson tried to be professional, but the expression on is face when he first saw the boy's private parts was priceless. When Barbara first told me about the boy, of course I was interested as a doctor, but also as a gay man. I am sure I was not able to hide my curiosity entirely. Dr Svensson took a full history, Barbara has provided us with all her records, photos etc. The slave has had a few infections in different areas over the years, but nothing that was not easily treatable with antibiotics. The slave and I had consented in advance to be open to the doctor about our lifestyle, in case he should get injured through bondage. Again, I think we could have knocked the doctor over with a feather. It was definitely the right decision to take THIS appointment. Dr Svensson asked to have some time in private with the slave, which I was happy to give him, but the slave said he had nothing to hide from me. I insisted he had some time alone with the doctor. In the end they were in the consulting room for 20 minutes, the slave told me he spoke with the doctor about Robert and how difficult it was to leave him. I am so glad he felt able to open up to Dr Svensson. We were there for nearly an hour. We went straight to the house and just crashed after a light dinner.

This afternoon we are going to an open day at a Buddhist Centre on Soedermalm, his friend Sabine is a Buddhist monk there.

Sunday, 13^th September

We went out for brunch and now the slave is in his sleep sack being tormented by an electric plug up his ass and electrodes on his cock, controlled by a programme. I plan to thoroughly fuck him later. I have brought my laptop into the playroom, I just love to hear him whimper and moan. I might even add some electricity to his tits. Earlobes are fun too, but they have to wait for another time.

The visit to the Bhuddist centre was very interesting, they have a vegetarian cafe, a wonderful garden and of course mediation rooms etc. I can understand why the slave has become friends with Sabine, in some ways they are very similar. Only he does his meditating bound in leather and rope.

She had some time to show us around and chat with us. When she had to leave us for a while, the slave asked me if it was ok if he told her about our relationship. I gave him permission to do so. Later we had tea with her, and he told her then. She was non-plussed and just responded, if that rocks our boat, she has no problem with it. I suspect that she has had some traumatic experiences in her life.

Next week I am doing early shifts, we will stay at the house all week. It is nice to be here when I have the evenings off, and we will probably make good use of the equipment.

Tuesday, 15^th September

I have had an e-mail from Barbara, they want to shut down the website and make the movies unavailable. They wanted the boy's approval. I think he was quite happy about it. As he will no longer receive royalties, she is wondering if they should close the account and send the money held over. We said we will think about, I want to get some advice from my accountant. For the boy it would be another tie to Canada cut, it is all becoming too much for him. He still does not open up to me.

Thursday, 17^th September

I met with Ingrid today after work, I told the boy I would go to the gym, I am going to tell him the truth over dinner. They went to the art gallery yesterday, and then to a modern exhibition. Paintings bore me to death. I am glad he has someone he can share that interest with. I told Ingrid how affectionate and willing the boy is with me, we enjoy our sex life, and get along great in general, but he still shuts me out emotionally. I know it has effectively only been 3 months, and he has come very far, he seems to cope with the move and adjust to live in Sweden quite enthusiastically. But sometimes he gets so quiet and then there is this sadness in his eyes. To be honest I am a bit concerned about his mental well-being. Ingrid is a qualified psychologist, but has not practised in years, instead she teaches Swedish. She was glad that I came to her, but insisted that I speak to Ben. She said to me: Tell him exactly what you just said to me. But do not force him. Let him know your concerns and that you will be there for him when the time comes. She mentioned she knows I offered to postpone the marriage ceremony (for some reason I do not to like to call it a wedding, a wedding is for hetero couples), and assured me I did the right thing by doing that. I was a bit hurt, obviously the boy talked to her about and it seems he was glad about it, but he has not expressed it to me. Am I putting him under too much pressure? Should I have held back enforcing my authority?

Honestly, before he arrived, my plan had been to be a severe Master, not get emotionally involved, I could say, to break him down. That went out of the window the first day we were in my flat, when I took him to bed. I have so utterly fallen in love with him, I want to protect him, I want to own him.

As he said the other day, he is still in love with other people, people he shared his life with for 9 important and formative years. He cannot shut himself off to them, it takes time. I will have to wait for him to make room in his heart for me.

Friday, 18^th September

After dinner yesterday I confessed I had seen Ingrid and what we had talked about. He was disappointed that I lied about the meeting. I promised him that I regretted to have lied to him and would not lie about something like that again. He thanked me for being so open about my concerns for him. He realises it must be very hard for me, he knows how much I care. Suddenly he asked to be excused and he went to his room. I did not know what to do with myself, one half wanted to go after him and hug him, the other half said leave him be for a while. In the end I took myself off for a walk. When I came back the boy had prepared the balcony with some lights and made a pot of tea. I do not use the balcony really, as I am slightly scared of heights, and we are in the top apartment. He had even found some wood for the kamin. When I stepped out onto the balcony, the boy said he had chosen this space as it is a neutral zone. He proceeded to tell me about his life, right from the beginning to how he ended up with Barbara and Robert. He hinted at how their relationship started, but I could see it was painful for him to talk about. We had to move into the living room, it got too cold outside. We ended up falling asleep on the living room floor, under my duvet. We even overslept and I was late for work. Luckily we were at the apartment, we had decided to come back there for the night, as the boy is busy in town on Friday mornings. I am quite tired today, luckily it is an office day today for me, unless we get a lot of emergency ops. They do work us hard, with the different shifts and on-call. Maybe it is time to move to a different hospital, which does not have an emergency department, then I would work more or less office hours.

Sunday, 20^th September

I am at work, I am on-call. Hopefully it will stay q..., we do not say that word, it is a curse. I tidied my desk and just found some details of a conference I agreed to attend before I knew Ben would come. I mostly call him the boy, so to type his name is – I do not want to say strange, but I cannot think of a different word for it now. It is in 2 weeks time in London. I have added 2 days holiday to stay afterwards, as I used to live in London aged 9 to 11. The conference starts on Monday, 5^th October, and I have a flight booked on Sunday evening, returning Saturday morning. I do not want to leave the slave alone for that long time, and I would love to show him “my” London. Maybe I should check with someone that he is ok to travel, visas etc. Otherwise I might cancel my extra days.

Wednesday, 23^rd September

The boy is excited about going to London with me. As far as I could find out, he should have no problems to travel. The conference is in Oxford, the boy has been to London with Barbara, so we decided he will fly out Wednesday, and we will meet in London at my hotel. The conference will finish early afternoon, so I can travel to London in good time. I managed to get him booked onto my flight Saturday morning. Per and Lasse will travel with him to London, and then they will do their own initiatory. They will stay on a few days longer. I am paying for their flights and hotel. They have been such a help, they deserve a treat.

Friday, 25^th September

The boy surprised me today, he and Ingrid had been on one of their outings yesterday afternoon, and he mentioned to me today they had been to Stallemastergarden. This is a very old inn, by the lake, a 5star hotel. He said it would be a nice venue to have the marriage. He was disturbingly quiet again last night, I reckon he was dealing with this matter. I know the hotel well, it is very close to the university hospital where I did my training. He has picked a very nice venue. We have had a “normal” week, the boy looks a bit better to me since we had that talk.