Life goes on, Ben is ill

Tuesday, 13^th October

Am I being selfish when I ask myself why did I agree to take Ben? But the all this hassle is definitely worth it in the long run. I feel sorry for families from other states who are trying to build a

live for themselves in a safe country.

We talked for a long time Sunday afternoon. Ingrid phoned to see how we are and if she should come over, speak with Ben as a psychologist. I thought that was not a good idea, she is a friend, we should not cross that barrier. It made me think, maybe we need to consider professional help.

He opened up to me anyway, the prospect of suddenly loosing me made him panic, and he told himself, sending him away had been the right decision, he would probably not cope with seeing Robert deteriorate. He is glad I will be there to support him when the time comes, along with all his other friends. In Canada he did not have friends like he has here.

I explained to him what the border officer had recommended, booking a venue and setting a date.

He liked the idea, so we looked at some dates. His birthday is on the 29^th, we have not even talked about how we are going to mark this occasion. He suggested to get married on my birthday, 17^th December. I was not keen, but when he explained his thinking, I changed my mind. He said: Every year I can give you a great present for your birthday – myself. Anyway, with our birthdays quite close together, another special day within a period of 6 weeks would make these days less special.

We ended up making all these plans, whom to invite etc. We phoned the hotel, but of course the events team does not work on a Sunday evening, anyway, we left a message with some details of the date and expected numbers. We ended up having sex on the sofa, Ben was on top and made love to me with his vagina. It felt somehow wrong, me as Master basically being fucked. But it was soo good!

We had some hassle at the migration office, we might have to pay a fine. But we have finally started the procedure, it should be all ok now. I am not going to do anything about the lawyer, I have written to them to complain, but am not taking it any further. The hotel called us back, the date should not be a problem and we are seeing them on Thursday to talk details and have a look around. We are inviting my aunt, and my cousin and his family, they will enjoy staying at the hotel.

I did not want him to be alone all afternoon and evening, and he invited Sabine. They went to some obscure art film.

He has recovered well from his ordeal, at least he gives the impression. For some reason I am careful about being too happy.

Friday, 16^th October

We have booked the hotel, getting the registrar was no problem. The boy is talking about contributing financially, he does not need to, I am a millionaire. I do not really need to work, actually I have been thinking about reducing my hours. We have opted not to spend the night at the hotel, we will give the room to my cousin. They have not had the chance to have a honeymoon, as it was a rushed wedding and the farm commitments. Ben and I will want to celebrate our way.

He is developing a cold, and is right miserable. He even opted to miss yoga.

It is Master /slave night tonight, I guess we will not make this one either. I had my usual chat with Barbara yesterday, I did not tell her about the airport, it is done and dealt with, and at least it made us set a date. She is very happy for us. We considered if her and slave no1 could join us, but she thinks it is not appropriate. Anyway, she cannot leave Robert, if he is still alive then. I was shocked when she said that, but she is a doctor and has learnt to face facts and tell it like it is. He is very depressed and they have the medication ready. Saturday is my day off, I am going to take the boy to the house and we need to have the talk which I have been putting off.

Saturday, 17^th October

The boy really feels rough. We have come to the house anyway, the fresh air will hopefully do him good. I dragged him on a walk, to have the talk. I did not want to contaminate the house, I took his balcony thing as an example. He took it well, asked some questions about Barbara and his friend. I offered we phone or skype them, but he did not want that. He did not withdraw to his cell when we came home, but made dinner. He had an early night, but then his cold makes him tired.

Monday, 19^th October

We came back to the apartment yesterday, as I was on call. I arranged with the doctor in charge that I would stay at home, I can be there quickly. Ben is not well. Apparently he has never had it like this. I am concerned he is coming down with a serious illness. I am constantly reminding him to drink, thankfully he is used to a liquid diet. Lasse is also ill, I wonder if it is connected. I took the day off today, and am likely to have to take more days off, I cannot go into hospital and sit in an operating theatre when I have a virus at home. Ben seems to like the fuss, but at the same time he feels guilty that he “cannot do his job”.

Tuesday, 20^th October

The boy feels better today, and now I am feeling a bit “malade”. We have been playing computer games, something we both are not good at, we have been having a laugh. We talked about what he wants to do for his birthday, he wants to invite his friends for afternoon tea and then have some special time with me.

Thursday, 22^nd October

I came home from work to find the boy in his cell. Usually he would have dinner on the go. Today I was in theatre all day. He said he had a bit of abdominal pain and reckoned he overdid it at the gym. He had not been for 2 weeks, with being in London and than having the cold.