Monday, 1 February 2016

The memorial service


Saturday, 5th November

Erik and Ben turned up when Barbara and I had nearly finished breakfast. They looked tired, they said they had been up talking a lot. Later Ben told me they did have sex, but they only used one condom.

The service was at 2pm, so we had the morning to kill. Ben knows Toronto a little, he showed me around. Barbara and Erik wanted to run some errands. We found a Diner to have some food, Ben was only picking at his.

He wanted to go back to our room before going to the service. As it was nearly time, I waited for him. A lot of people turned up, some I could recognise immediately as from the leather community, even when they were dressed in civilian clothes. Barbara had requested that they do not come dressed up. She said some people had travelled far. It was nearly 2pm and Ben was still not here. Barbara did not want to start without him. I went to the room, he was sitting on the floor with his head between his knees, trying to steady his breathing. I sat down with him and guided him through some exercises. Finally he felt strong enough to go downstairs. Of course everyone's eyes were on us when we walked into the room, it was 2.20 by now. Several photos were displayed, Robert as a child, as a young man next to his truck, with his dogs, and one of “the family”.

Barbara held the eulogy. I learned a few things I did not know about Robert. Ben was clasping my hand, it was getting painful. To be honest, I thought he would handle it better. When Barbara spoke about him and Robert, her voice changed. Before she had been quite neutral, now she had empathy in her voice. Was it because Ben was in the room and she could see how much he was struggling, or was it because those years had been so special? I think it was the 2nd. I felt such an outsider! This was such an important time in Ben's life, it is the reason why we are together now, but it still is a mystery to me and will always be. The thought that I will have lots of years of memories with Ben still to experience comforted me. She did mention me and how happy Ben is now. She said my reports back on how Ben settled in gave Robert such satisfaction.

She invited people to share their memories, Erik spoke, as did some others, Ben did not want to speak. They played a song Robert had liked and then it was over. There was a buffet in the room next door. People came up to Barbara, Erik and Ben and chatted. I held back. I felt I was here to support Ben, not for Robert. A few people approached me, of course they had seen me with Ben and concluded who I am. Some read our blog. Mostly they enquired how Ben is, and they told me what a great couple him and Robert had been. It was nice to hear that they were so popular. Ben said he did not have any friends in Canada, he certainly had a lot of acquaintances who liked him very much and still care about him.

There were some tables and chairs around the room, proper ones and lounge furniture. I was sitting in one, I had asked for some proper tea. The waitress brought it to me when Ben came over and sat down. He was exhausted, he had to answer the same questions again and again. He drank most of the tea. He had brought a plate of food, he had not had the chance to eat as he was constantly approached by well wishers. People started to leave, Barbara and Erik were able to take a break and eat something as well. We were all tired and talked out and decided to do our own thing. Ben and I went to the gym. He stayed under the shower for a long time. One guy came in and could not stop staring at Ben, I am not sure if he looked at his stoma or his belt. I finally told him off, they guy could not leave quickly enough. Ben thought it was quite funny.

We went back to our room, we were both aroused, but then we ended up just kissing and cuddling. Somehow we did not feel like having sex. He is already asleep. I took a photo of him, all tangled up in the sheets. I do not have any photos of him naked. His hair is still quite short, he looks so young.

He does not have any beard growth, or chest hair, due to his sex. He took his belt off to dry it and himself properly and we have not put it back on yet. I think I might wake him up and we try sex again.


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