Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Ben is "home"


Sunday, 6th November

Just a quick note while we are waiting for Erik and Barbara to settle up.

I woke the slave up yesterday and we had sex. He loved it, and so did I. I claimed him again.



Monday, 7th November

The journey from Toronto to South River took 3.5 hours. They had hired a SUV for the journey, Barbara and Erik shared the driving. Erik is so different from how I remember him, so much more confident. He has a collar like Ben used to have. One would not think he has a learning disability.



It was so strange walking into that house and Robert was not there. Ben quietly walked around, touching things, remembering. Barbara mentioned they wanted to wait with their packing for the move until we are gone, they thought it would be better for him to see his familiar surroundings undisturbed.

Sadly the older dog had died during the summer. They want to wait until they are settled in the new house before getting another one. Lana, the current dog, was with a neighbour until the next day. Ben was disappointed not to see her, but he accepted it. He wanted to show me around, of course I know the house, but I let him take me by my hand and he explained some items to me which meant something to him. We had a choice of bedroom, Robert's old room or the guest room. There was no hesitation, we chose the guest room. We unpacked, Erik and Barbara went about doing their stuff. Erik said the dinner he had planned was “not gonna happen”, the fridge had packed up and everything had gone off. They knew it was on the brink, but had hoped it would last a few more weeks.

So we had to go out again, we went to the Diner where they used to eat often. Marjorie, the owner, was almost as pleased as Ruth to see Ben. She called her husband out of the kitchen, he was the typical man who had lived with a woman who likes to gossip for 40 years. He seemed pleased to see Ben, but left his wife to it. They made Ben his special: Pancake with syrup and a shake. We had brought some powder. When I took it to the counter, Marjorie cornered me. She told me how everyone missed Ben, how awful it was when Erik and Ben had been brought to the diner in restraints, and how she had to throw them out one summer as they put off her tourist guests. Some locals were in the Diner and spoke to the others and welcomed Ben. She asked me if I am a Master as well. I confirmed it, she looked at me critically and said no, you do not look like one of those!

I laughed and asked her if I should prove it, but she just sent me back to the table.

I was very hungry, the food was very good. We all, except Ben, had some superb blackberry pie. Well, he had a spoonful. The seeds in the blackberries can cause him problems, even just a tiny bit.

Marjorie wanted a promise that we come again during the week, which I was glad to give, the food was so good.

Ben wanted to sleep in the basement, for old times sake. Erik joined him. Another night on my own. This time I knew he would not want to share a bed with Erik.



This morning they got up early to fetch the dog. I wish they had woken me and taken me along, according to them it was a boisterous reunion.

Barbara wants Ben to sort out some stuff from Roberts computer, mainly the home movies.

She and Erik have gone to buy a new fridge and return the rental car. Ben is out playing with the dog.

The boy and the dog came back in, he was not aware of me sitting, watching him. He came into the kitchen, made himself a hot drink, gave the dog some biscuits. It was strange for me, he was so at home here, he knew where to find everything, he moved as if he had never left.

He turned and saw me watching him, I had startled him. He offered to make me a drink, I said I was fine. He came and sat on the floor in front of my chair, facing me. He tentatively put my feet on his legs, I let him. He rubbed my feet, they were a bit cold, no underfloor heating here. The dog laid beside him, she does not know what to make of me.

I asked the slave what it was like for him, being back here. He said he often expected Robert to walk in any moment, and then he would remember, he found it a little difficult. Roberts office was at the end of the lounge, the doors were closed. He looked in that direction, and sighed. I stood up and pulled him up, then walked him over to the door. He nodded at me and I opened the door. We entered the room, it was tidy and clean. A big old fashioned desk was at one side of the room, facing the room. On the opposite side were some shelves, opposite the door the window. Holding the slaves hand, I walked around the room with him. On the floor in front of the shelves were some metal bars and other parts, it looked like it was some kind of device. I asked him what it was. He said: Remember when you wanted to put me into the MilkMaid device and I did not fancy it? This is the construction that Robert built to have me in. I knew this was uncomfortable for him. He went to the desk and switched the computer on. He seemed very familiar with it. Then we heard the truck pull up, Erik and Barbara were back. He started to get up and said he better help them bring the shopping in. I pushed him back onto the chair and told him to do like Barbara had asked, to make a start on sorting those movies, I can help them.

They had bought a new fridge, the store was going to deliver it later. In the meantime they used an insulated box on the porch. Barbara went to lie down, she looked a bit pale. Erik started to prepare some food he wanted to cook at dinner, it needed to marinate. I went to see how the boy was getting on. He looked upset, he handed me a sheet of paper. It was a letter from Robert, which must have been written a few days before his death. He had typed it. It basically explained again how much he loved the boy and how difficult it was for him to send him away, but how happy he was of the reports from me how well he had settled in. There were also 2 letters from his father, addressed to Robert. One was written after Ben had sent the first letter “home”. The 2nd letter was sent a few years later, when his father had found out that Ruth had hidden letters from Ben and then re-directed the mail to his office. They letters curtly told Robert to stop Ben from writing. He had found it in a drawer, in a folder addressed to him.

Ben went into the kitchen, it was time for his shake, he talked to Erik about his dinner plans. Suddenly he left and knocked on Barbara's door. He talked to her for a while, and then whispered with Erik, they were both smiling. I felt so out of place.

Ben must have picked up on it, he came back to speak to me. We went for a short walk while Erik prepared some lunch, Ben wanted to show me a favourite spot.

Barbara joined us for lunch, and then she wanted to speak to me. Erik made his excuses, he needed to tidy the garage, ready for the move. Ben went back to the computer.

Barbara told me what the secrecy was about earlier, she is pregnant. At her age she is not finding it easy. Ben had picked up on it and came to see her to congratulate. We talked generally about her and

Erik and their plans for the future.

Ben asked me to join him. He fetched a chair to sit next to him, well, actually, he moved to the chair, so I could have Robert's comfortable chair. There was a list of files on the screen, he asked me to open one. He got up and left the room. The film showed Ben, in Robert's device. It was hard to watch. There were loads. It was off putting, and strangely fascinating. I watched short sequences of several clips, the positions were slightly different, but mostly very much like the MilkMaid device.

I think I will get rid of that.



I asked Ben what he wanted to do with them. He came and deleted them. He found Erik and he asked me to help carry the dismantled device out to the truck, Erik had already started to put some scrap metal onto the back, from the garage. I helped them drive it to a local scrap yard.

Erik and Ben prepared dinner together, they were a good team. Ben had his OCD well under control.

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