Dealing with Ben

Wednesday, 5^th April

I have agreed to do a shift tomorrow and Friday, and then I guess I will finish doing locum work. Ben is starting to get nervous about his mother coming for a visit, I am struggling to handle him. He is walking Django at the moment and then Ingrid is coming for lunch. She can handle him well, and she might be able to help. He had freaked out a little on Monday. He says it was the energy from the Master and slave. He said he is so glad that we are able to be more relaxed and he can talk to me. He did not get that from them. He then apparently had a meltdown again yesterday afternoon, this time about Ruth. The meditation leader told me later in the evening. Apparently they were just talking, and Ben mentioned he would not be there next Tuesday, due to his mother visiting. He then started to hyperventilate! He had to be taken out of the room and it took a long time for him to calm down. He received some counselling from the meditation leader, who could not tell me more. Ben does not want to talk to me about it. He had suggested to invite Ingrid. She is aware there is more to it than just a free meal. We do not want to exploit her experience, but sometimes she is the best person to get through to him.

I am concerned that he is getting so anxious now. He will want everything to be perfect while she is here and for her to understand our lifestyle and accept it. I guess it will be more “visible” to her here than in South River. I am afraid if he is so anxious now, how will he be once she is here?

Maybe I should call Ruth and have a chat with her before she comes and prepare her.

I am a bit nervous about leaving him on his own Thursday and Friday evening. I think I will make arrangements for him to be busy.

We managed to have a good time with Ingrid. Ben brought it up, how he is not coping with his mother's visit. They went to his room and had an hour together. Ingrid came back to see me and assured me she managed to get him to rationalise his anxiety, for now. He was now meditating.

About 45 minutes later Ben turned up, he made some tea. He did not initiate conversation, and I thought I won't bring it up, but it was the elephant in the room. He looked like he had been crying. He came to me and snuggled up to me, and that is how we have left it.

Over dinner I suggested he make some plans for the next two evenings, and he agreed it was a good idea. Thursday he is going to Per and Lasse, Friday Sabine will come here.