Thursday, 27th April
I did not see Ben this morning. He
went to school. He is coming home for lunch. Then he wants to do
yoga. I guess we will have to pack. I definitely want to have sex.
Maybe we can fit in some bondage as well.
The gardener was here today. He
said Leylandi die off naturally, and ours have lasted a very long
time. To fill the gap with young trees would not be a good idea, as
more will die off now. I told him about having building work next
door later in the summer. He suggested he could put in a fence, then
we could have some plants climb up. Taking the leylandi out will be
messy, taking the roots out. It probably needs a digger and we might
need to infill. I have to think about it and speak to our new
neighbours. The gardener thinks it will affect their land as well. So
he only cut the other side. I told him to quote. Wow, another big
bill. Good that I have rented the flat out and start earning again.
I prepared some lunch. Ben had had
a good day at school. His teacher gave him some homework. He is to
write a report about the farm. He wants to go for a drink with Sabine
after yoga. OK. I feel like I have pushed him away from me with my
behaviour. I have given him space. I have kind of signalled, that I
am there for him if he needs to talk, or if he wants bondage, or sex,
or whatever.
I came to the office to check on
train times and ticket prices. I saw his diary. We had to resolve
this before he goes, I have to return it to him. I found the section
quite quickly, most days the entries were quite short, this was
longer. I sat and cried. I now know why he does not want to remember.
As a doctor I can imagine the smell. I think I am glad he his going
away, it gives me time to deal with this.
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