Tuesday, 25th April
I went shopping today, mainly to
try to take my mind off things. I thought I could do with some new
shirts etc for work. I had a call from Mr Allender, the contract for
the tenant has been returned signed and the deposit should be with us
by the end of the week. I should have felt happy, but I guess this
makes it real. The flat is let long term. Although we have a few
clauses in the contract which are unusual which give me access and
possession quite quickly. I did some gardening and found myself
sitting with a tea for some time, brooding. I went into town for some
dinner. I was looking forward to going to meditation and seeing Ben.
I had done a lot of thinking, but not come to any conclusion. I think
it I just have to work on myself every day.
Usually Ben and I have some time
together before the meeting starts, this time I could not find him. I
asked a few people, they did not know. Just before the start the
group leader, B, told me he had a talk with Ben in the afternoon. Ben
had gone to have a rest after the meal. He came in later, and in the
break disappeared to help make the tea, which he often does. I
chatted to some other people, one member cornered me to get a medical
opinion. Ben did not come back for the 2nd part. Was he
avoiding me? Was he not well? I could not settle. But I decided I had
to give him space. He was waiting for me when we finished. He smiled
at me and looked well enough. He took my hand and asked after my day.
We chatted a bit. I did not want to bring tonight up. I did not want
to put pressure onto him.
He mentioned it when we were at
home. We usually enjoy another drink together. He told me he had
requested a meeting with B in the afternoon. B is a trained
counsellor. He had not tried to avoid me, he was just overwhelmed and
had taken some time out in another room. School had been tough, it is
only 2 months now until their final exam. For most of his classmates
it is vital to pass with a good mark.
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