Normal?

Monday, 24^th April

Ben told me he came to the flat yesterday, he thought it would help him to be here and think. He just felt it was cold, lonely and it reminded him of happy times and made him think and worry. He wanted to switch off, so went to the cinema. He saw an animated film. He reckons he got funny looks by some parents. A single man coming to the cinema on a sunday afternoon to watch a movie for kids is either a pervert or a lonely weirdo. He managed to switch off, he had to concentrate to understand Swedish. He talked so much English with Ruth, he needs to get back into Swedish.

I am at the flat, as I want to contemplate our talk – no, fight – yesterday. It is not working. Am I too possessive? Overprotective? Ben mentioned I never talk about old relationships. I might track down my 2 ex-partners and ask them why we did not work out. Ah, I am analysing everything again. I should concentrate on here and now. Ok.

I have decided I want to try to sell the furniture in here, most of it is just about a year old. I could do with a bit of income. So I have made myself useful and have taken pictures of the items and posted them on a website for private sales.

I have also taken pictures of every bondage gear item. My memory on the phone was full and I have downloaded it onto my computer and deleted the photos from the phone. I have contacted our prospective tenant. He said he was interested in some items. I have not heard from him since the viewing. We have sent him the tenancy contract. I would like to get this sorted. I have enough coming up, with going back to work and starting lecturing. It would be nice to have the flat sorted.

Ben and I are trying to be normal, but there is an atmosphere. I think it is me, I am not sure how to behave.